I think I worried you all, by accident, by my posts last night.
Nothing happened, I just faced a fear of what could happen, a very specific and (*gulp*) possible outcome. It was awful and for one split second I understood Romeo and Juliet, but the second is over and I cheated the particular sort of death I was fearing, at least for now, and I know I could face it for real if I had to, without checking to see if I could fly, or anything of the sort. (I demand to live, more so than average.)
This test of faith has left me a little tired and thin, but like Peppermint Patty’s nose kept her from sliding under her desk when she fell asleep at her desk, my life has a lot of built-in safety catches.
And so this weekend I’m going to see one of my mothers and one of my brothers, in San Fransisco. And we’re going to giggle and barbeque and take the ferry into the city, and there I will meet for the first time, a very dear friend of a friend, who told me that introducing me to her was like pulling out the special china when I come to dinner.
I never have to ask for help, it catches onto me and holds tight.
I am so safe. Not just because I’m ok, but because even if I wasn’t, I would be.
“If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.” Matthew 5:39-41
I have to admit I always had trouble with this verse. It seems like a recipe for limitless abuse.
But Bunny pointed out that it actually only uses the number two. She said that we’re all human and make mistakes and we’ve all in some way accidently slapped a person’s cheek, metaphorically speaking.
“If someone slaps you in the face, and you slowly turn your head and offer the other cheek and they slap that too, you know it wasn’t an accident. Now, you know what you’re dealing with.”
I just faced my worst fear. Keep in mind that I’ve faced people who tried to kill me.
This was worse.
This fear made it seem like all or nothing, and of course I mean my whole life.
But if there is one thing my life has been lately its been a choice between several good options, and I have to think this is just the mother of all good options buffets, laid out across one person’s chest.
Even if I don’t understand how yet.
This has to be good.
I just know.
Cashier – “Ok, thats all? How you doin’ tonight?”
Valancy Jane – *emptyeyed* “I’m buying wine. With CHANGE. How do you think I am?”
Cashier – *really looks at me* “Here’s your re-” *trails off*
Valancy Jane – “I don’t need a bag.” *vaguely apologetic look*
Cashier – “Uh …… Hey. Honey? …………….. Do you need a corkscrew?”
gosh…for some reason, whenever i use the word ‘cool’ i keep flashforwarding to the future where i have a teenager and they roll their eyes at me every time i say that
Valancy Jane says:
have you never had that?
Valancy Jane says:
I’m not going to lie to you.
Yes, I have.
“Happiness is a bowl of croutons for breakfast.”
…… “I know you’re leading but it’s the twenty-first century. A girl can twirl if she wants to. Work with it.”
Valancy Jane – “So what is this new job you’re leaving us for?”
Soon to be Ex-Coworker – “I got a full scholarship to the Barbizon School of Modeling. In fact, I’ll be playing point guard on the school varsity basketball team.”
Valancy Jane – “I demand that you never tell me the real story, and keep up the pretense that this is true. Next time we talk, you have to tell me you’re on a beach in the South of France on a ‘shoot. Don’t bother coming back into my lobby unless you’ve got a portfolio under your arm.”
Soon to be Ex-Coworker – “Deal.”
I remember once years ago, when my brother drove a BMW, he let me drive it.
I remember stepping down on the gas pedal and it suddenly just …. WENT A LOT FASTER. And even though I asked it to, I was shocked that just ….. DID. And I went “Oooooooooooo.”
I feel just that way about a person in my life. It’s thrilling, and makes perfect sense if you think about it.
…….. “It’s bizarre. I haven’t been this popular with the boys since I was 19, anorexic and had daddy issues.”