“Go get four paper towels. FOUR.”
“See if you can put those 27 parts back together.”
“I’ll pay you five bucks to lick that drain.”
“Is there a specific pro- …. Oh look who I’m talking to, what’s the specific procedure, and how many paper towels will it require?”
“I would only go through all this work for true love, or beer.”
“What do I do with this ‘pump and probe’ lube? ………. Nevermind, I’ll just call Buckman and ask.”
……… I was there the last time Buckman had tequila. Let’s see, I strained a muscle in my back, the Mexican Federales were involved, my boyfriend made a run for it, and my brother could no longer wear white to his wedding. TRUE STORY.
….. “He text me last night..something about poker and he was hustling and I got the feeling he was in the mob and our date would end in an arrest.
Meaning I’m so going.”
…. “Do you get the impression that 98% of entries to that site are from engineers?
I say this with love.”
New psychiatrist does not get Mean Girls references.
No wonder he suggested tweaking my meds after I said, “That’s why my hair is so big. It’s full of SECRETS.”
…. after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity, we shall harness the engines of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, men will have discovered fire.”
– Perre Teilhard de Chardin
….. “Anything for you, darling, especially if it’s Patrick’s.”
….. “Everyone knows orangutans don’t like mojitos, Buckman. EVERYONE.”
…. “The math on pigeons is a bit odd. 1 pigeon = good, 0 pigeons = meh, but 1/2 a pigeon falls not between those reactions but out in left field at ‘AAAAAAgetitawaygeritawayfromme’.”
…. what would Karen Walker do?
A quick Google consult, and I always find my answer.
“Get on your back, point your heels to Jesus and think of handbags.”
“Don’t be too chatty, just try to sound like you have big boobs.”
“Honey, if I gave in to every persuasive argument I’d be in some kind of crazy three-way marriage with Maury Povich and Connie Chung!”