Monthly Archives: June 2007

Home….

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…. and still a week of vacation time to go.  My luggage has finally rejoined me, smelling of fish and with a sticker written in Russian.  It should start it’s own blog, to tell the stories of it’s adventures.

I intend to spend the next week getting into mischief, going to museums, and exploring around town, and doing exactly what I want, when I want to. 

I’ll be around a little bit, but on Monday, expect the mother of all posts, with pictures and actual conversations and music and backup dancers.  Maybe fireworks, if I can get the necessary permits.

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Dear Paul,

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Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of doing anything so silly as to crash, I know how she’d feel about that.

But please know that I’m dancing at your wedding in spirit, and toasting your happiness.  Both of you.

After almost ten years, we picked right back up where we left.

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Last night my best friend from high school, who I haven’t seen since high school, came over for a sleepover.  Old movies, booze, comparing bite marks from boys, doodling on my mattress with sharpies, it was liking going back in time.

Lissy – “I like this, I have an old chest as a coffee table too.”

Valancy Jane – “It’s full of stuffed animals.”

Lissy – “Mine is full of costumes.”

Valancy Jane – “It’s no wonder we’re friends.”

Where did they FIND her?

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I love my temporary replacement.

Sam – “Do you have a myspace?”

Valancy Jane – “Oh honey.”

She learned the phone system in like, ten seconds.  She told people that my vacation was just a cover for rehab, or that I’d like to be known as Norman when I return.  She photocopied her boobs.  Or was that mine?  I don’t recall, we were having too much fun.

My only concern about leaving her to cover me for the next two weeks is that when I get back, they’ll all like her better and keep her instead.

So she told me that on the last day, she’d pee on the lobby carpet.

Next time I need a friend, I’m calling this temp agency.

Crazy Day

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Ok, I gotta make this fast. 

Reasons I’ve been busy today.

1.  I’ve spent all morning training my temp.  And talking about boys with my temp.

I heart her.

We’re myspace friends already.

I told her she could blog for me while I’m gone, if she wants.

2.   Four of our five HR people are out today, so I was told today is the best day to sexually harrass my coworkers, and so I’ve been busy with that.

3.    Thinking about Maui!

I love you all!

Aloha! 

It’s almost time for me to disappear.

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For the next two days I’m going to be a little swamped, training the temp and getting everything ready for her, before I leave on vacation this Sunday.

Of course by “getting everything ready for her,” I mean taking the head and fingers of that dead hooker out of my minifridge, locking my snack drawer, and erasing the internet history on this computer. 

I’m kidding.

Maybe.

If she seems cool, as in I wouldn’t suspect her of trying to take my job while I’m gone, I might let her blog a little in my place while I’m gone.

And if she doesn’t seem cool, and I suspect her of wanting to take my job while I’m gone, her head and fingers will be in my minifridge.

I’ll be sorta around until Sunday, and after that I MIGHT be, but I plan on being pretty busy in Maui, with all the drinking and picture taking and drinking and snorkling and drinking and drinking, so don’t expect a full time return until July 2nd.

Does that seem like forever to you?  It does to me.

I promise to miss you, HARD.

*sings and dances all the parts to So Long, Farewell*