Something I learned how to do in college.

AntMan – “You want me to let that wine breathe for a bit?”

Valancy Jane – “No, it doesn’t need that.  I’m going to give it mouth to mouth.”

I needed a new project anyway.

Step One – Change the world.

Step Two – Call him.

 

At least I have a plan.

Seven is too many. Seven is crazyville.

Is it possible to get a diagnosis of the postman’s mental health based solely on the number of rubber bands he uses on one bundle of mail?

It wasn’t just ….

….. that we were driving through the rural town I spent so much time in back then, when I dated a boy who lived there.

But there was that, combined with the fact that I was riding shotgun with the windows down and the music up on a hot summer morning, home from an all night party.  I was thinking of nothing at all but how cute my new sunglasses are, and how very big the world is.

And I swear, I really was 17 again.

My crochet protege.

Bethany – “Now that I can crochet, I can get old before my time.  I can become a crotchety old hag.”

Valancy Jane – “When it comes to crocheting, the sky is the limit.  I have faith that you will be able to create anything you set your mind to (a Ferrari?).  There is nothing you can’t do.  But you just aren’t hag material, hun.”

People always talk about ….

…. “finding out who your friends really are” like it’s a disappointing, disillusioning process.

But I’ve been pleasantly surprised.

Who would be so reckless as to start a prank war with me?

Coworker K – “Are you still mad about the shock pen?”

Valancy Jane – “Hun, I’m not mad.  I’m worried about you.”  *slow smile*

The Warner sister

Maria the bus driver and my fellow commuters all agreed today that I remind them of Dot, from the Animaniacs.  Which is funny, and admittedly a bit accurate (I AM cute), but now I can’t get the damn theme song out of my head.

 

Update – Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

In line in the ladies room

Girl One – “Dude, you always go ahead of me. I really have to pee. I’m peeing first.”

Girl Two – “I do NOT always cut ahead. Besides, I’m in front of you. I’m peeing first.”

Girl One – “I will so pee ON YOU, if you try to go first.”

Girl Two – “I’d like to see you try and pee on me.”

Valancy Jane – *holds up camera phone* “So would the Internet.”

Girl One – *eyes widen* “Uh …………. you go first.”

Girl Two – *eyes widen and points to a now empty stall* “Yeah. You can go ahead.”

It’s amazing what you can get away with ….

…..  or just frankly, GET, if you preface it with, “Hey, I’m on a scavenger hunt ….” and give it the right level of giggly excitement.  Nobody wants to ruin the game.

“Hey, I’m on a scavenger hunt, do you have a BBQ?”

“Hey, I’m on a scavenger hunt, do you have any shoes that match this dress?”

“Hey, I’m on a scavenger hunt, do you have a frozen pizza?”

“Hey, I’m on a scavenger hunt, do you have an extra house key?”

“Hey, I’m on a scavenger hunt, do you have any of the old twenty dollar bills?”