Monthly Archives: April 2008

Feeling lucky.


Every morning on my way to the train I pass the Mexican consulate and even at 6am there’s a line forming.

And it reminds me to be grateful for the accident of birth that gives me the right to live in the country I want to live in.

And I also pass a construction site, and the guys there remind me to be grateful for the accident of genetics that gave me my fantastic ass.

A sexless bed.


My moment of triumph over the loft bed was short lived, quickly replaced by the realization that I own no twin sized bedding.

So I’ve been online shopping.

And it occured to me that I don’t live with a boy.  I won’t be bringing boys home to it.  It’s a twin sized loft bed, and my boyfriend (always wait so long to confirm a rumor that by then nobody cares) lives far away, and so the odds of me ever having sex on this particular bed are pretty slim.

So I can totally girl-out here.  I don’t have to consider masculine tastes here at all.  Not that I mind that much, but it’s just that I haven’t been in this position since like, I was teenager, and I may never be again.

My friends have been helping me shop, and I think I owe them a collective apology for not having mentioned before they began that when it comes to bedding, all that taste I don’t have in clothes comes out and turns me into a snotty bitch.  I turned up my nose at pretty much everything.

I’ve pretty much always been that way.  At the age of eight, my bed resembled that of a thirty year old woman.  I’m picky.

So I want girly, and soft, and pretty and perhaps downright childish, but it has to be just the right sort of girly and soft and pretty and downright childish.

Can you help?  Suggestions?  Links?  Oh, also, I’m being a total Jew about the price too. 

Also, this has been surprisingly controversial.

I’m the baddest mother fucker you know.


I realized I couldn’t move the bed to where the bookcase was without first moving the bookcase out of the way, and that I couldn’t move the bookcase to where the bed was without first moving the bed out of the way.

So I took the bed and the few remaining boxes out of my room, piling them in the living room so that I’d have room to move the bookcase.

And then I realized I couldn’t move the bookcase by myself, and my roommates were out.  It’s a solid six foot by six foot bookcase, so I suppose there’s no shame in not being able to move it.

But the next morning I was really frustrated.  I couldn’t move the bookcase so I couldn’t set up the loft bed so I couldn’t get it out of the living room so I couldn’t leave because leaving that mess in the living room for my roommates to come home to would just be tacky.

I don’t think it was my muscles that finally just moved the bookcase, I think it was sheer PMS hormonal frustration.

But move it I did.  ‘Cause I’m a gangster.

Of course I had to take a break halfway through and lay on the floor and whimper, and I still can’t move my neck to the left.  So there’s that.

But I’d do it again.

And if there’s any doubt in your mind that I’m the shit, yo, I then assembled my loft bed all by myself.