*walks into her bedroom suite in an English riding outfit, complete with riding crop and tousled hair*
*finds a letter on the foot of her bed*
Dear Miss VJ,
I come to you for help because I am desperate—desperate for a good night’s sleep.
You see, Miss VJ, I work long hours and must wake up terribly early to do so. And you see, Miss VJ, my upstairs neighbors, they… they…
They have a squeaky bed. A squeaky bed that is too close to the wall.
While I respect their right to do as they please in their own home, I can’t sleep, and this affects my work and my life.
How do I honestly and diplomatically request that they take measures to respect others’ right to a quiet night of sleep? What’s a girl to do?
(They also have a toddler that runs thumping about at all hours of the night.)
Oh darling. *addressing the camera* (Yes, there’s a camera now. Just go with it.)
I too have lived next to a very loving couple. I too have lain awake, questioning my own principles, which demanded that I be happy that there was more love and *ahem* affection being spread around. In my experience, there are three types of ways of dealing with this, the first two of which I imagine you’ve already tried.
There’s trying not to hear it. I.e., earplugs, or a leaving a can of WD-40 and a feather in their mailbox with a saucy but neighborly note.
There’s trying not to care. I.e., valium, or a lover of your own.
And lastly, there is trying to subtly undermine and erode their sex life, i.e., giving the toddler a lock picking kit, giving the toddler a cold, or playing a combination of sex noises and sheep noises in your bedroom everytime you hear them gettin’ it on.
I hope any of these ideas help you, darling.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back down to the stable. I’ve been having so much fun down there, I’m thinking about actually getting a horse.
*pulls a bit of straw out of her hair and laughingly blows it at the camera*