Category Archives: the internet

You know what’s sad?


It’s sad when you’re looking at Somalia’s official government website and think to yourself, “my blog is better designed than this.”

As Kim pointed out, I prolly have a better space program as well.  The president’s email is on the website, I think I’ll email him.

“Dear Sir,

I’m ready to fight, should the war spill over into Southern California.  I have a war budget of like, 20 or 30 dollars, some heavy rocks, and a watch dog.  Keep me posted.

Sincerely, Valancy Jane.”

It’s possible I have too much time on my hands.

Valancy Jane says:
I would send that email, but I’m afraid it would put me on some sort of watch list.
Kim says:
That would be assuming they had a watchlist.
Valancy Jane says:
And I’m flying to SF at the end of the month.
Kim says:
These are people who use Ethiopians as their military allies.
Valancy Jane says:
I don’t need to have to explain this to my little brother why I can’t be at his robotics competition.
Kim says:
That’s like asking the crazy guy in the metro if you can borrow a five.
Valancy Jane says:
But then, considering that he prank calls the Kremlin about once a month, I think he’d understand.
I love that kid so hard.


RE: His status message


Valancy Jane: “Banned from Yahoo answers”?

Cody: k

Valancy Jane: I could hug you.
What did you do?

Cody: some 14 year old girl asked what type of job she could do from home and I said to post on craiglist under the erotic services section. But only do incall and wear protection

Valancy Jane: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Cody: 🙂

Valancy Jane: I feel the same way I did when one of the kids I work with opened her purse and it was full of candy and a bottle of lighter fluid.
So proud.

My boss said to take as much time as I need.


It’s a strange turn of events when my boss knows more details of my life than my beloved internet. Not that my boss isn’t a lovely, warm man, the discreet sort you can totally confide in, it’s just that you, Internet, are collectively my best friend, second to Aurora, and maybe red wine.

It’s just that other people have been my voice in my personal life, spreading the horrible news that I have so much trouble even typing. I can’t get someone else to blog for me.

It’s up to me to tell you. Just … gimmie a little more time.

What happens when you meet people off the interwebs.


This weekend I got to spend some time with our visiting Sassy, and she gave me  many, many (SWEET JESUS WOMAN YOU GIVE A LOT OF PRESENTS) things.  Jewelry (yes, and not a little), awesome orange baby spoons, and a birthing cd (which I figure is either a seminar by a coach, or a mix tape of trance hits to be played during delivery so either way AWESOME).

Then Sassy signed us up for massages.  Fifty minutes of bliss, half way through I agreed to name my child after Kristin, my masseuse.   (I’m lucky that’s all she asked for.)


Then Sassy gave me this goddess oil.  She is obviously trying to soften me up for eating, and you know what?  I don’t mind.