Valancy Jane: Today I’m going to snort a line of coke off a piece of sushi, while skiing.
She Hulas: then you should go on a rollercoaster while drinking a bottle of wine and smoking a cigarette
Valancy Jane: Get my hair dyed while horseback riding.
She Hulas: then have a boxing match
Valancy Jane: With a rabid bear, who throws kitty litter boxes.
That’s not a euphemism, Sam makes her own sauce for her cheese enchiladas. And Twinnie and I can’t. get. enough.
If there was ever an argument for gay marriage, it’s the idea that you too could have a wife like Sam. Twinnie switched sides today, just for the enchilada sauce.
And now there’s a red gummy bear stuck to my fishtank. I just love it when she whirls through.
Yesterday, I walked the balloons home (walking a large balloon arrangement through a crowded windy streets is a lot like walking a large, flying puppy), and there was a baseball ticket in my mailbox, from Jesse and Bethany. And as Bethany and I were sitting in the stands working out the choreography of what we would do if the jumbotron cameras turned to us, I reflected that it had been an odd, unexpected sort of day. Lots of surprises.
This morning I was sipping coffee at my desk when Sam dropped by to drop off some of her fantastic new muffins (lemon blueberry cornmeal, sooooooogood). Soon we were trying on the wig that was in my purse, and thats when Tony and Kris from 95.7 walked in with sandwiches, and called me Lindsey. And I know this sounds like the part of the story where I say “and then I woke up,” but this was really my morning.
And now I’m off to a bachlorette party with TB and Sherleen. So who knows how today might end?
Sam just dropped by to give me Bertram the Beast and Debbie Diamond, the Pegasus Prostitute, to keep company the unicorn Athena she gave me last week.
My friends are the best, admit it.
I love that I never know when she’ll turn up, what she’ll be carrying, and what she’ll leave behind.
Coworker I – “Whatcha got there?”
Valancy Jane – “Are you eyeballing my cookies?”
Coworker I – “Yes.”
Valancy Jane – “Well, go ahead, but keep in mind that Sam made them for me, so there’s about a seventy percent chance they’re roofied.”
Coworker I – “Uh …..”
Valancy Jane – “I know, right? AWESOME.” *takes a bite*
Coworker I – “I’ll pass.”