Category Archives: Rhett

Sex and taxes.

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Aurora says:
*whimpers*

Valancy Jane says:
You’re pretty.

Rhett says:
I would totally do you.

Aurora says:
I’ll take that, and would you totally do my taxes for me too??

Valancy Jane says:
I’ll help for whatever that’s worth.
My credentials are that I didn’t screw mine up. This year.

The immortal and immoral Rhett is coming to town!

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Valancy Jane says:
I’m so excited about that.

Twinnie says:
yes yes he is

Valancy Jane says:
Would it be weird to announce that I fully intend to make out with you?
You may think this is a matter of free will, but everyone wants to kiss me.

Rhett says:
I will make out with everyone.
You guys can flip for firsties

Valancy Jane says:
I call it.
Firsties.

Twinnie says:
i will repeat
i don’t share

Rhett says:
You can’t CALL it. You have to at least flip for it.

Twinnie says:
but i won’t begrudge others having fun
just give me a book
a movie
and a glass of wine
so i can entertain myself in the mean time

Valancy Jane says:
Don’t be silly. We’ll also give you some crayons.

Twinnie says:
oooooh
well in that case you guys can make babies

Valancy Jane says:
Well, in that case, we’ll need the crayons back.

Obviously a compliment.

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Aurora says:
How’s the deluxe apartment in the sky?!!!

Valancy Jane says:
Loverly!
I have the whole city for a nightlight.

Kim says:
Wow.

Colsy says:
nice!

Rhett says:
Can you unplug the whole city?

Colsy says:
she can flash the whole city

Valancy Jane says:
I can, and did.
A dog immediately started barking.

OMGMAKEOVERS!!!!

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Valancy Jane says:
We believe in snow like people in the Pacific Northwest believe in Bigfoot. We all know someone who claims to have seen it.

Rhett says:
I can guarantee you that snow exists.
I HAVE SEEN IT

Aurora says:
so YOU say

Valancy Jane says:
I want to see Bigfoot so bad.

Aurora says:
really?! he sounds scary :/

Colsy says:
no kidding
a co-worker saw him twice
he likes kids
has stinky poop

Valancy Jane says:
Well, to be a bit more specific, I want to meet a Bigfoot and become his friend and let him give me piggy back rides and I’d make him tea parties and we’d be so happy.

Aurora says:
haha
but he’s all grody and hairy!

Colsy says:
b/c you just know some little old lady is feeding him breadcrumbs every day

Valancy Jane says:
He lives in the woods, of course he’s dirty.
Maybe if he became my new roommate he’d be cleaner.
And we could do a reality show, full of our goofy hijinks.

Rhett says:
Tyra could interview him and then do a show about her feelings.

Colsy says:
lol

Valancy Jane says:
That show would be the pinnacle of my entire existence.

Not that I’ve spent any time picturing it or anything …

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Rhett says:
[Friend] just got a voicemail from the Tyra Banks show. They want to use her gallery for something.

Colsy says:
holy crap

Valancy Jane says:
ASK [Friend] IF I CAN BE THERE.
I WANT TO MEET TYRA SO BAD.

Rhett says:
YOU HAVE TO COME TO NEW YORK

Colsy says:
AND BRING YOUR FIERCE!

Valancy Jane says:
SOMEHOW I KNOW IT COULDN’T DISAPPOINT.

Colsy says:
and tell everyone about your online polygamous relationship

Valancy Jane says:
I don’t want to talk to her so much as I want to listen to her.
She’s say something crazy and I’d always have that moment. Like an autograph, but better.
A personal story of the TyraCrazy.

Rhett says:
CRAZY

Valancy Jane says:
Maybe I’d even get a picture with her, and she’d have crazy eyes and MASSIVE hair.

Colsy says:
lol

Valancy Jane says:
I WOULD BE SO HAPPY.
I would kiss her and she’d prolly let me.

Colsy says:
with tongue

Valancy Jane says:
As long as we could talk about her reaction to it afterward.

Dayquil, grammar, marriage and unicorns.

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Rhett says:
So how many doses of Dayquil is too many doses?

Valancy Jane says:
For me?
One.

Rhett says:
I have a grammar question
Which is correct: “How many doses is too many doses?” or “How many doses are too many doses?”

Jonny Opinion says:
is

Rhett says:
Because I don’t know if you’re technically referring to a group of doses or simply a single number representative of doses.
That is what I also thought.

Jonny Opinion says:
I’m British, and therefore incapable of grammatical error.

Rhett says:
This is why we love you.

Jonny Opinion says:
It’s very convenient.  I don’t even have to think about it, I’m just automatically correct.

Valancy Jane says:
I think it’s ‘are,’ actually.
But then, I’m not the right person to ask.

Rhett says:
But Jonny is incapable of making a mistake.

Valancy Jane says:
That’s not true.

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes VJ.  I know you’re pregnant and perhaps a little hormonal but surely you haven’t forgotten this very basic truth.

Valancy Jane says:
Jonny hasn’t asked me to marry him lately.
OBVIOUSLY a mistake.

Jonny Opinion says:
I married you last night, while you were asleep.

Valancy Jane says:
Oh.

Jonny Opinion says:
Check your ring finger.
**Waits patiently for an apology**

Valancy Jane says:
But still.  You’re supposed to do it while I’m awake sometimes, to reassure me of my beauty and desirability.

Jonny Opinion says:
**Goes back in time 10 minutes**
Will you marry me you sexy mama?

Valancy Jane says:
Yes, of course I will.
*marries Jonny*
*travels back to present time*
Hey Jonny, look.  It’s our 11 minute anniversary.
What did you get me?

Jonny Opinion says:
A unicorn called Calvin
covered in glitter
on a trampoline

Valancy Jane says:
Perfect.