Category Archives: religion or politics

Gosh, even Cash Cab lets you have one Phone-A-Friend.

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I was waltzing into the grocery store the other night and yes, maybe I was actually waltzing.  It was 80 degrees warm and I was happy.

This trim, bright-eyed thing asks me right before the doors, “can I ask you just two questions for my sociology thesis?”  The only possible answer to that in my polite, sunset-beach world is yes, yes of course!

“Yay!  Ok.  Which immigrant group has been most beneficial to the US?”

I smiled an indulgent smile.  She must have misspoke.  We don’t ask questions like that.

I got blank brightness and realized that was really her question.  I mean …. goodness.   I stammered a bit around the word “diversity,” but I can’t recall a single coherent thought I expressed so it’s no shock she wasn’t making notes.   Finally I threw out “Canadians!  My boyfriend is a Canadian and he’s totally my favorite.”  And then mentally facepalmed at hearing myself sound so, like totally smart.

“Ok.  Great.  So.  Which immigrant group coming to the US causes the most problems.  In your opinion.”

*blink-blink* 

I checked back two or three times at her face this time, the same innocent expectance on her features.  I suppose I should have seen that question coming but ….. she really expected me to Answer That Question.  With Words.  There was some more stammering from me about diversity being inherently valuable but it was probably less coherent that the last time.  

She really wasn’t going to let me off the hook, and to walk away seemed like it was saying “screw you and education along with it!” 

I flashed on saying, “Duh, WHITE PEOPLE,” but it was clear she was referring to the modern nation, not the continent as a whole.  (Although in hindsight that answer still doesn’t seem to be …. incorrect.)  So I flubbed out something about how our lack of understanding and appreciation for other cultures is really most often the problem.  Why, just for example I recently saw this video where muslims are gathering in LA to fundraise for local LA charities and they’re heckled by a bunch of  rednec……… oh shit, she’s going to take the short answer of what I said as “muslims.”

“NO!  Uh, ONLY BECAUSE OF US, and our LACK OF KNOWLEDGE about their ACTUAL CULTURE AND FAITH!”

She nodded at my discomfort (finally!) but her pen was raising to her pad.  “I see,” she said.

As she wrote her lips seemed to mouth her words, “very uncomfortable,” and I can only PRAY her study wasn’t on American immigrants but on how retardedly silly white people are when they talk about it.

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The Word.

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Just the other day, I got this in the mail.

A letter all in Korean, and two fliers.  According to the pictures, they appeared to be literature on how not to be homeless, and how to domesticate brown bears.  Seriously, right there in the lower right, that little girl is patting a bear while her mother looks on.

Careful inspection shows an address on the back that belongs to the Jehovah’s Witness church.  This is either a mistake, or a prank.  I’m hoping prank.  (“Lola?”)

And it made me think of something.

About eight years ago I lived in an apartment at the end of a long hallway.  There we were, right next to an apartment with two guys, age 18 and 20.  Their girlfriends were 16 and 18.  At least four nights a week I’d have to wade through a hallway full of drunk (occasionally crying) high school girls, there for some party.  Being knee deep in impressionable young pussy didn’t stop either of these guys from knocking on the wall between us, calling out for sex.   We were friends, in a fashion, but their habits GOT OLD FAST.

One morning there was a knock on the door.  I checked my alarm clock (remember those?) and it was 7:30 am.  Slightly too late for the party twins.  I checked the peephole, saw a little kid, and opened it up. 

Classic bait move.  Jehovah’s Witnesses.  They said they’d like to share a scripture with me.  That always makes me chuckle because I’ve never met a missionary who’s more familiar with the Bible than me, much to their chagrin.  (HI JOEL!)  The whole book is so contradictory, and it’s like a ring in their nose, you can lead them in circles for your own amusement for hoursssssssssss.

And then one popped into my head.  Romans 12:19 says “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written,* Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”  *(This is, a reference to Deuteronomy 32:35, “To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.”)

Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.  I decided to take him up on his offer.

“Oh thanks guys.  I’m already a member of your church.  And I’m so glad you’re here.  The guys across the street, they’re really hostile at times but ….. the other night one of them was telling me that he’s really not sure where he’s going in life and ……… well, I shared some of the Word with him and he was upset that his roommate might find out but he really wanted to read more ….. I could really use a hand.  You just gotta ignore what they say, they really wanna hear this.  Could you guys put them on the list?”

“Oh!  Of course!  Thanks for spreading the good news with them!”

“Well of course.  Oh and ……….. the only time to catch them at home is really early in the mornings.”

“Got it.  God bless!”

“Oh, you too.  YOU TOO.”

I’m not sure if they got religion, or just the early morning wakeups got to them, but either way ……….. peace reigned in our building after that.

Almost ready to drop the “In-” off of “famous.”

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Last sunday, in one day, I was mentioned in a sermon, and on the evening news, and neither was in a make my mother cry kind of way.

Jesse was working at his church, the Rock, when my sign was mentioned by the pastor.  To hear me mentioned in church without being prefaced with “mothers, lock up your sons!” is prolly one of his prouder moments.  He promptly called me.

I’d filmed a little interview with CBS and NBC while counterprotesting the WBC that morning at the Rock church, and several of my friends let me know that both networks used it.  A coworker told me she was surprised I was so calm on camera.

I guess she’s never really noticed what a raging attention whore I am.  The only part she should have been surprised about was that I didn’t hump the camera tripod.

Wherein I convert.

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I am owning this picture

Last Friday night, Buckman and I, with his friend Elliot, went to Dor Hadash synagogue, to counter protest the protest of Westboro Baptist Church. 

with the crazyfolk

It was a very surreal experience.  A friend said he thought I was brave, but I actually think it was the WBC protesters who are brave.  According to their signs, they believe that “Rabbis Rape Kids,” and “You (meaning us) Will Eat Babies.”  And yet, THEY BROUGHT THEIR OWN CHILDREN. 

I think that’s brave.  I looked down at a beautiful little blond girl of about six, wearing a shirt that says, “God hates Fags” and holding a sign that reads, “Thank God for IEDs,” and said to her “Don’t worry sweetie.  I’m a vegetarian.”

The kind folks at Dor Hadash invited us to join them after the protest.  And lawdy, can they put out a good spread.  I began to seriously consider joining.

buckman and elliott at synagogue

The service was lovely, and afterwards, the Rabbi invited us back today for a get together.  She promised us homemade schnapps and a pinata, at which point my jaw just dropped.  It’s like they invented a religion just for me.

Who’s familiar with Westboro Baptist Church?

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According to their (hilarious) picket schedule, they are coming to San Diego for four days of protesting.

Protesting amoung other things, all things Jewish (allowing non-virgin women to live), a handful of high schools (letting the gays have their gay), Protestant and Catholic churches (allowing women to talk), and La Costa Spa (???).

So the question is, is counter-protesting them a pointless waste of time, or good clean fun in the form of feeling vastly mentally superior?