Category Archives: meme

ValancyJane-ology

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FOOD-OLOGY

1. What is your salad dressing of choice?
Olive olive and vinegar

2. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I guess I have to say Sole Luna, because I’m there all the flippin’ time.

3. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Mozzarella cheese.

4. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Cheese, black olives and tomato

TECHN-OLOGY

1. How many televisions are in your house?
Zero.

2. What color cell phone do you have?
Black.

3. How many computers are in your house?
2

4. Have any idea how many Megahertz your computer has?
I have Jesse for that sort of question.

BI-OLOGY

1. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right handed.

2. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A tick once when I was three.

3. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
My head. It hurts.

4. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Oh sure.

BULLCRAP-OLOGY

1. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Absolutely yes. I’m certain I could make it funnier somehow, if I knew the particulars. I’d wear a clown suit under my clothes that day or something.

2. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
If you’re reading this, I suspect you know.

3. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
Yes, I’m very stupid like that.

DUMB-OLOGY

1. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
No ticket for me!

2. Last person you talked to?
Melissa, my coworker. She gave me aspirin.

3. Last person you hugged?
A teddy bear with a little recording of Drea’s baby’s heartbeat inside it.

FAVORIT-OLOGY

1. Season?
Holiday season, because everyone wears sweaters and pretends it’s cold and sits around and sweats. It’s hilarious.

2. Holiday?
Th solstices

3. Day of the week?
Sunday (that’s my fun day, my I don’t have to run day)

4. Month?
This one? Yes. This one. This one is quite nice. Next month it’ll be next month, I suspect.

CURRENT-OLOGY

1. Missing someone?
No. Everyone I like, I tie to my hip with bungee cords, until they start to bother me. Then I kill them.
Of course I miss some people.

2. Mood?
Good, considering the headache and all.

3. What are you listening to?
Conehead give a tour to some visitors.

4. Watching?
Nothing at the moment, but there’s an episode of So You Think You Can Dance that’s waiting for me.

RANDOM-OLOGY

1. First place you went this morning?
Back to sleep for nine more minutes.

2. What’s the last movie you saw?
Charlie Wilson’s War

3. Do you smile often?
Pretty much all the time.

OTHER-OLOGY

1. Do you always answer your phone?
Meh. Depends on who is calling.

2. Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
I know a few college students, so that’d be my first guess. Or Buckman, the most text happy gent I know.

3. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Pink! Not pinkeye, though.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
I’ve never been to a Sonic.

5. Do you own a digital camera?
Yep! Thanks to my little brother.

6. Have you ever had a pet fish?
Ooooooooh, yes.

7. Favorite Christmas song(s):
Silent Night, and Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer

8. What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
World peace, or a pony. But in that order, really.

9. Can you do push ups?
Yes. Not a lot of them, but yes.

10. Can you do a chin up?
I think so. It’s been so long since I tried.

11. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
*grin* So very excited.

12. Do you have any saved texts?
Oh yes.

13. Ever been in a car wreck?
Oh yes.

14. Do you have an accent?
Depends on who you ask.

15. What is the last song to make you cry?
A very unlikely song, actually.

16. Plans tonight?
Yes! Dinner at Jessany’s.

17. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Hmmm. I’ve hit lows where I didn’t know how I’d go on, but never a point where I didn’t want to go on.

18. Name 3 things you bought today?
I haven’t bought anything today, but I guess the most recent purchases would be spinach, rabbit food and wine.

19. Have you ever been given roses?
Oh yes.

20. Current worry?
Money, I suppose.

21. Current hate right now?
Headaches. Or ignorance.

22. Met someone who changed your life?
Oh fuck yes.

23. How will you bring in the New Year?
I really don’t know yet.

24. What song represents you?
Angel from Montgomery.

25. Name three people who *might* complete this
Colleen, Amber and …. hmmm.

26. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
I would like to have some moments over again, but just to experience, not to change them.

27. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Oh yes.

28. Does anyone love you?
I like to think everyone does.

29. Ever had someone sing to you?
Oh yes.

30. When did you last cry?
Well, it wasn’t today. Yet. So that’s good.

31. Do you like to cuddle?
Not as much as I like to nuzzle.

32. Have you held hands with anyone today?
*shrugs* Not yet.

33. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
A wonderful mixture, tending towards old.

34. Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Yesyesyes.

35. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Unstoppable and adorable.

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For a coworker. Please forgive.

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1. First thing you wash in the shower?  My ladybits.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?   Aqua.  Old Navy waffleknit.  So beat up.  I love it.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?  Drea?  Certainly.

4. Do you plan outfits?  Not on a daily basis, but sometimes.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?  Cramps.  YOU ASKED.

6. Whats the closest thing to you that’s red? My shirt.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?  I’m not sure you’re old enough to hear about it.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?  Not yet.

9. What are you craving right now?  Indian food.

10. Do you floss?  When I must.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?  Cabbage Patch dolls.  I still have mine.

12. Are you emotional?  Today, certainly.  See number five.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?  Yes.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?  I pull it’s hair and call it my bitch.

15. Do you like your hair? Yes.  Especially today.

16. Do you like yourself?  Fuck yes.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?  *shrugs*  Sure.  I bet it would be a very interesting meal.

18. What are you listening to right now?  Life in a Northern Town and one of our sales guys on this cell phone.

19. Are your parents strict?  No but sometimes my brother is.

20. Would you go sky diving?  It doesn’t scare me but it doesn’t really appeal to me that much either.  Seems like going to a lot of trouble for a short ride.  I’d prefer a hot air balloon.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?  Very much, if it’s not too salty.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?  Do I count?

23. Do you rent movies often?  I can’t remember the last time.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?   ME.

25. How many countries have you visited? 2.  Yep.  That’s it.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?  Not yet today.

27. Ever been on a train?  Very often.

28. Brown or white eggs?  When I was a kid we had a breed of chicken that laid pink and green eggs.

29. Do you have a cell-phone?  Doesn’t everyone?

30. Do you use chap stick?  Religiously.

31. Do you own a gun?  GAWD, no.  Women how live alone and own guns are FAR more likely to have them used on themselves.

32. Can you use chop sticks?  Very well, thank you.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?  My wifey-poo.  We’re going for a walk.

34. Are you too forgiving?  I don’t think so.

35. Ever been in love?  What do you think?

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?   Culture and Cocktails at the San Diego Art Museum.

37. Ever have cream puffs?  I don’t think so.  I’m not a big sweets person.

38. Last time you cried?  This morning.

39. What was the last question you asked?  How can I help you?

40. Favorite time of the year?  When the Zoo extends their hours in the summer.

41. Do you have any tattoos?   Just the one.

42. Are you sarcastic?  Never.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?  Sadly, yes.

44. Ever walked into a wall?   Not recently.

45. Favorite color?  You.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?  Hmmmm.  No.  If there’s a need for it to escalate to physical violence, then I will defend myself much better than that.

47. Is your hair curly?  Sometimes.

48. What was the last CD you bought?  A used copy of Kenny Loggins Live.

49. Do looks matter?  Yes, but not in the way I think this question implies.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?  I suppose so, depending on the circumstances.

51. Is your phone bill sky high? Nope.  Very sensible.

52. Do you like your life right now?   Oh hell yes.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?  NO.

54. Can you handle the truth?  I think so.  I asked a few of my friends recently if they feel comfortable telling me things I may not like and they all said yes.

55. Do you have good vision?  Average, I guess.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?  There are are few people I avoid, or that avoid me.  Hate takes too much energy.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?  All day, every day.  It’s my job.

58. The last person you held hands with? ZezZee?  Drea?  Not sure offhand.

59. What are you wearing?  Lotion and some other things.

60. What is your favorite animal?  Me.

61. Where was your default picture taken?   In a mirror.

62. Can you hula hoop?  Not very well.  Which is odd, considering how flexible my hips are.

63. Do you have a job?  Yes, and I love it.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought? Origami paper.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?  Certainly.

66. Shower or Bath?  Yes, please.

67. Have you had your heart broken?  “Broken” is putting it rather delicately.

68. Are you in love now?  Absolutely.

69. On the top or the bottom? Lights on or off?   Yes, please.

70. What is your favorite downtime activity? Sex or origami.

Now you people have me hooked. So this is your fault.

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1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?  Not that I’m aware of.  But if you told me I was named for some mystical fairy queen who was my real mother and she wanted to whisk me back home to a castle full of ponies that can sing, I’d choose to believe you.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? This morning over a song.   It punched a button.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?  Depends on the day, my handwriting can be a bit erratic.  But in general, yes.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?  Avocado?

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?  I have three months worth of a baby.  A little over two inches of baby.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?  Fuck yes.  I’m funny and I always at least pretend to fight you for the check and I’m kinda slutty.  What more could you want?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Not as much as in my teenage years.  Now I use haughty disdain.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Last time I checked, but admittedly, I haven’t checked recently.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?  Prolly not.  Looks painful to the spine.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?   Baby and I can’t get enough Rice Chex, Cheerios, and Raisin Bran.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?   I don’t wear shoes with laces.

12. CAN YOU DRIVE A STICK-SHIFT??  I don’t know if that’s a euphamism or not but either way the answer is yes, very well, thankyouverymuch.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?  Pomegranate.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Whether or not they are a ninja.

15. RED OR PINK?   Yes, please.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?   I’m a bit of an underachiever.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?   We’re not talking about that.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?   If they want to.  If not, I don’t want them to give it another thought.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?  Jeans, and black maryjanes.

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?  Cats, El Presidente Maximus Lloyd Vincenti (“Mau”) and Lady Audrey Dulcinea Pontinescu (“Dulce”).  Rabbit, Rudolf.  Fish, Willzyx, Siren, Paisley, Zelda and Manny.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?  Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover by Sophie B. Hawkins, and a plane landing at the base nearby.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?  I can never settle this question in my mind.  My answer keeps changing.  I’m a whole BOX of crayons, baby.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?  A particular pillow case.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?   Miss Sassy!

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?   I like all the people who tagged me.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?  Horse racing.

27. HAIR COLOR?  Viewed individually, they look almost translucent.

28. EYE COLOR?  Green.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?  Nope.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?  The food Sam makes for me.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?  Happy endings.  Easy.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?   Georgy Girl

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?  None.  Ha ha!  Got you all excited there for a minute, didn’t I?  Purple.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?  Summer!

35. HUGS OR KISSES?  Yes, please!

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?  A teenager.

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?  Your mom.  She’ll be busy.  *wink*

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?  The Arcanum by Janet Gleeson.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?  I have one, with a drawing of a Japanese lady on it, but I don’t use it.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?  The aforementioned Georgy Girl.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).  I can’t describe it but I remember it perfectly.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?  If they both went away, I wouldn’t notice or care.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?  An airplane ascending out of Houston sure felt like the farthest.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?  Lying.  It’s special because a.) I’m so good at it, and b.) I do it so rarely.  I think if you’re going to lie, you owe it to that person to lie really well.

46 WHERE WERE U BORN?  Born?  *shifty eyes*  Of course I was born.  Did I mention I’m human?  Of course I have a belly button.  Why are you asking all these questions?  I wasn’t found in a field after a meteor shower, I don’t know what you’re talking about!!!!

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Yours, bitch.  Now get to it.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?   Alcohol and art.  Or as the event was more classily called, “Culture and Cocktails.

Since well over 25 people have tagged me to do this ….

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  1. I’m overly suspicious of dairy products, and waste a lot, I’m sure, by tossing it well before their expiration dates.
  2. I respond to Angels and Airwaves the way many people feel in church.
  3. I think motorcycles are suicidal.
  4. My phone is never more than a few feet away from me, I never stop waiting for a particular phone call.
  5. I consider possible blog urls when picking a name for my child.
  6. I would blow somebody for a massage.
  7. My favorite song is Angel from Montgomery, and I wish more people would cover it.
  8. I am perfectly capable of changing a tire, or headlight, or fuse.  I just don’t like to admit that, so I can avoid doing it.
  9. I fall asleep to Golden Girls reruns.
  10. I’m currently reading a book on the history of the porcelain trade in Europe.  It’s the second time I’ve read it.  I love it.  I AM that much of a nerd.
  11. Lunch today is black bean soup (courtesy of Sam and hand delivered by Mickey), baby carrots, snap peas, and sliced apple with peanut butter.
  12. Today I am wearing a black knit dress, black tights with a subtle pattern, black maryjanes, black boycut undies and bra, two weathered silver bead necklaces and a headband of pink, red and black feathers.
  13. I find it impossible to think serious thoughts when I have a headband of feathers on my head.
  14. I cannot stop drinking fruit juice.  When my water breaks, I’m pretty sure it’s going to smell like V8 Splash.
  15. I’m more scared of a baby that won’t sleep than I am of the delivery.
  16. Today Twinnie and I made hand puppets out of my lunchbags.  Mine had a sparkly blue mustache.
  17. Who can I screw around here to get my taxes done?
  18. I think it’s almost yoga-on-the roof time.
  19. I’m pretty sure grocery shopping is a skill, one I have.
  20. In these tough economic times, I think of my growing boobs as a public service.  Everyone is calmer.
  21. Just this.  
  22. I picked a fine economic time to get knocked up, didn’t I?
  23. I want Chelsea Handler’s job.

Jonny’s Christmas Questionnaire

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1. New scientific advances prove that not only is Santa Claus real, but he’s going to smash your face in. How do you respond, and why?  I do what every grown up, responsible woman does.  I would call my big brother.
2. Would you mind working on Christmas Day?  Hmmm.  Can I bring my cats and bunny?
3. If you missed the Queen’s speech, would you feel a little bit dirty?  Yes.  Not because I missed her speech, but because I always feel a bit dirty. 
4. What if all the turkeys in the world committed suicide tonight?  I would be sad.  Think of all the turkey friends I would lose. 
5. Would you have fish and chips for Christmas dinner, and if so, would that be a disappointment?  Yes, because I don’t eat fish, or any other animal.  I LOVE “chips,” however.  “Chips” covered in nacho cheese sauce, I can’t think of anything more festive.
6. Is Christmas a disappointment?  No.  Perhaps because of low expectations?
7. What’s the last thing you remember?    The alien abduction.
8. Have you ever kicked someone in the bollocks just for coming into the room and bellowing, “ho ho ho!” ?  Only if it wasn’t at Christmastime.  Nobody calls me a ho.   Except at Christmas.
9. What’s the worst Christmas present you’ve ever had?  A phone call.
10. What’s funny?  Me, motherfucker.
11. At what age did you stop climbing into bed with your Mum and Dad in the morning because you were up before they were and wanted your breakfast NOW?  Farther back than I can remember.  I cooked for myself mostly, anyhow.
12. What has this got to do with Christmas?  If there was someone in my life who had my bed access and was willing to make me breakfast, that would be like Christmas for me?
13. Are you superstitious?  I always say catagorically no, but that’s a lie.  I just have my own susperstistions.
14. Are you super?  Hell yes, bitch.
15. Are you supper?  If you’re lucky.
16. Silence or violence?  Silence.  Totally underrated.
17. Art or porn?  Yes, please.
18. Think of a number, any number. Multiply it by two. Was that fun?  Don’t make me answer that. 
19. How’s your dad?  Dunno.  Don’t care.  More importantly, how’s yours?  Is he rich?
20. Are you any good at origami?  Funny you should ask. 
21. Would you like to be more generous?  If I could pick just one thing to be more of, that would be it. 
22. Are you generally satisfied with your physical appearance?  Yes.  Of course.  Aren’t you?  Satisfied with mine, I mean.  What more could you want?  More nudity?  Fair enough.
23. What’s the weather like up there?  I’ll let you know when I grow up.
24. Do you wish you could soar gracefully over mountains and cities, unaided by magic or machine?  If I could pick just one thing …. oh wait.  If I could pick just two things …….
25. Have you ever cast a spell on anyone?  Lots of times.  I mean ……. uh.  Never on you, though.  You love me of your own free will.
26. I put a spell on you, coz you’re mine. Sorry. Can we still be friends?  Is that why my boobs are bigger?  Good call.  Of course we can.
27. If an acquaintance or colleague became an eagle, would you feel jealous, or smug?  Jealous.  Until they had to eat raw snake or something.
28. Does Scientology annoy you enough to do anything about it?  Very few things that annoy me annoy me that much.
29. Do you like Carry On films?  In lieu of any evidence to the contrary (like knowing what those are), I’ll say yes.
30. Are you nervous?  Almost never.
31. If you asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said I didn’t want anything, would you still get me something?  I would get someone something.  Prolly a bum, and prolly booze.  I expect you’d approve.
32. How’s your mum?  Which one?  Bunny?  Beautiful as ever.  Rose?  Beautiful as ever.
33. Have you ever worn underwear?  Sadly, often.  Try not to hold this against me.
34. Do you like stilton?  I don’t know, I only suspect thats a type of cheese, and I catagorically like cheese.  So ……….. yes?
35. Do you wear flip flops much?  It’s SoCal, dude. 
36. What exactly is a sandwich?  A glimpse of heaven, if made properly.
37. Is there any dental floss in your house?  Of course.  Had to use something for the tripwires.
38. Have you ever cut your own hair?  Not after Buffy made me swear I never would again…
39. Do you understand?  Yes.
40. Did you enjoy answering these questions?  Yes, but hey, I’m obviously drunk.

End of summer survey

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Did u go to the beach?
Yes, yes. I’m never far, now.

Did u have a summer romance?
You’re ………. you’re not expecting me to dish, are you?

What is your favorite summer moment?
Well, it was before summer technically started, and it wasn’t so much a moment as all the moments before a moment.

Did something awesome and cool happen this summer?
Don’t you know me at all? “Awesome and cool” stalk me.

What is the best Summer Movie you saw?
The It Girl. I also saw Mama Mia, which was pretty, and AWFUL.

Did you read any books this summer?
Oh honey. Oh honey. There are four books in my purse right now.

Had any all nighters?
With a book? *wink*

Had any sleepovers?
Are we still talking about books?

Had any pool party?
Yes, which is weird, because I don’t have a pool ……

Went boy/girl watching?
That violates my parole, I think……

Make any new friends?
Yes, yes, yes.

Had a birthday? If so, what age did u turn?
I had a birthday party, does that count? I didn’t get any older, though.

Was this the summer before college for you?
Who knows what the future holds?

Did you watch Camp Rock on Disney Channel?
I wasn’t aware that such an opportunity existed.

Did you go anywhere besides the beach?
Like, the bathroom?

Did you kiss someone this summer?
There are lot of gorgeous puppies in this part of town.

Do you wish you could change something about this summer?
Just one thing. Statistically, that’s good, right?

Are you ready for the school year?
Uh, my pencils are sharp, so …….. yes?

Do you think this summer was better then last years?
Hm. I’m a December in Chicago kind of girl.

What was your number one song this summer?
Forever Young

In one(perhaps 2?) word describe this summer?
“Emotional poverty”? Hahahahahahahaha!

What do you think of the song, I Kissed a Girl?
Well ………….. uh, maybe come fall, we’ll have other songs?

I’m it!

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I’ve been tagged by Bomarzo to do a six things about me meme.  And since my entire blog is pretty much a list of random things about me, I’m going to take inspiration from Bomarzo’s list.

I cannot blow bubbles in gum.

As a kid I traded away all my baseball cards with players who’s name was Martinez, because it rhymed with penis.  Sorta.

I have a birthmark on my back so faint even I didn’t know about it until I was 24.

I had a horse as a kid.

Last weekend it occurred to me that my home computer is the first computer I’ve had that wasn’t shared, or a work computer, and so if I wanted to fill it up with porn, I could.  I spent several hours looking at porn, just because I could.

The thought of having toddlers who want to watch idiotic tv shows terrifies me.