Category Archives: lists

Things I cannot do while taking Percocet.

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A list compiled by my doctor, myself and popular request.

  • Drive a car
  • Ride a bike
  • Feel my lips
  • Remember my fish’s names
  • Drink alcohol
  • Drink water without spilling
  • Uncross my eyeballs
  • Online shop
  • Turn on the oven
  • Remember my neighbor’s names
  • Crochet
  • Straighten out of the fetal position
  • ANYTHING INVOLVING SALSA
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Things I did last night.

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Walked to the local Catholic church only to find it closed.

Bemoaned the fact that the Catholic churches seem to have a monoply on holy water.

Taped a mirror face side down to the inside of my front door.

Rang a bell in every corner of my house.

Put a line of salt in front of my door.

Wondered if my neighbors will ever have a conversation with me again.

Drew a cross in cinnamon and spit on the inside and outside of my front door.

Made a mental note to buy some cookie sheets.

Crossed myself in each doorway and window.

Clapped my hands every corner of my house.

Ignored Dulce’s strange looks.

Put garlic in each window and in front of the door.

Lit inscene and waved the smoke into every corner of the house.

Placed shoes out with the toes pointing in opposite directions.

Giggled at the idea of an invisible ballerina in each room.

Taped pictures of the Bennington, before and after the explosion, and the memorial service at the monument, face down to my front door.

Wondered if beer could be considered holy water, and if drinking beer from your uncle’s brewery would be considered praying to your ancestors for help.

Watched Mau flip out again and start pacing up and down by the door.

Addressed thin air.

Felt really foolish.

But!  You know what else I did last night?  SLEEP.

Things to do.

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It seems that ZJ’s sabbatical is starting sink in, as it’s only three weeks in and he says he’s running out of things to do.  Which is really impressive considering he spend the first two weeks in Spain.  He must be very efficient.

So, being the extremely helpful woman that I am, I am compiling this list of ideas.

  • Wash my car. 
  • Frame OJ Simpson.  Again.
  • Learn to speak whatever language the least amount of people alive today speak.  (Welsh?)
  • Talk someone into letting you pierce their ear.
  • Read an entire Interview magazine in one sitting.
  • Work on your turnout and toe strength until you can do this barefoot.
  • Begin the process of an overseas adoption.
  • Start a band in your garage and write a song titled “OMG Ponies!!!!1!!!”
  • Build a swimup bar in your pool.  (Actually that was Ed‘s idea, but I think it’s obvious that we’d all benefit.)
  • Go to google maps, and make up an address.  Edit it until you find a real one.  Write a chatty letter and mail it to that address. 

If all else fails, develope a drinking problem, or start knitting.  Either one will completely suck up the rest of your days.

Things to do this summer.

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I’d heard this idea going around, to make a list of 100 things to do for the 100 days of summer.  But a list that long sounds like a chore, even just to write, and if I was making a list of things NOT to do this summer, giving myself unnecessary chores would be number one on that list.

  • Eat an absurd amount of Popsicles.
  • Save the sticks from said Popsicles, and make a birdhouse.  Perhaps in the shape of the Taj Mahal.  Perhaps life-size.
  • Stock my glitter cabinet.
  • Use the entire stock of the glitter cabinet.
  • Restock.
  • Invent a new dance form.
  • Teach at least one other person the new dance form. 
  • Really buckle down and learn at least one more chord on the guitar.  (Every kook should play the guitar, I’m about to have my license rescinded.)
  • Resign myself to being a poor excuse for a guitar player, and return to the tamborine.
  • Decorate the tamborine with glitter.
  • Incorporate it into new dance form.
  • Pull a prank on Lola.
  • Eat as much watermelon as I like.
  • Snort glitter.
  • Get a henna tattoo kit.
  • Get a real tattoo.  Or six.
  • Break into a deserted carnival.
  • Get thrown out of some sort of public place.  For something worth getting thrown out for.
  • Print out my recent fan mail on postcards, and pose nude with the postcards over my ladybits.
  • Post (almost) nude pictures on blog.
  • Buy better locks for my doors.
  • Do something to really muss up my hair at least twice a week.
  • Buy a hair brush.
  • Brush hair weekly, whether it needs it or not.
  • Rescue 100 feeder gold fish and release them here
  • Name all the fish.
  • Light off a firework in an unexpected setting.  Like, the bathtub.  Or at dawn.
  • Find out if my roof is sturdy enough to throw a party on.
  • If not, throw it on someone else’s roof.  As a surprise.
  • Throw a party in a laundrymat.  “Bring your whites and some rum!  And maybe roller skates.”
  • Find a craft project to use all those wine bottle corks.
  • Find out exactly how fast I can twirl.
  • Look into getting a pet crow.
  • Write thank you notes to Advil, Fred Rogers and the guy that cuts the grass outside the lobby.
  • Buy velvet underwear.
  • Write a letter to “Petr” in Russia and hopefully find out why his address is scribbled in the margin of my diary, circa 2002. 
  • Get a tan on the bottom of my feet.
  • Get a tan on my bottom.
  • Find out how high Rudolf can jump. 

Hmmmm.  This is fun.  Maybe making it to 100 wouldn’t be a chore.  To be continued …….

Tagged (but this one is not about paint)

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The rules:

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the city/state and country you’re in.

Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)
tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, United States)
Todd (Louisville, Kentucky, United States)
miss kendra (los angeles, california, u.s.a)
Valancy Jane (San Diego, CA, USA)

2. List out your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location.

  • Alberts Taco shop. Order the rolled tacos, but not too many. They’re HUGE. And the best. Get them to go, since in-store dining involves bar stools, a counter, and a view of the neighboring smoke shop.
  • The Brigantine in Del Mar. It doesn’t have the best bar but it’s certainly a great one, it’s a chain but nobody wears “flair”, the seafood isn’t the absolute best I’ve ever had but it’s certainly very good. While there is little about this place that is exceptional, it’s solid “very good” ranking in every single category, and kick ass location, make it a very easy, simple choice. (When I was a single gal, I used to hit the bar there after the horse races to meet men with disposable income, in a hyped up mood, and I never had to pay for my own drink. Little tip for y’all single girls out there.)
  • Ali Baba’s. Gloriously over-embellished. Go with someone, order a two item combo and a three item combo, thereby getting one order of each of the five options under the combos. Don’t go if you don’t like toddlers or would be uncomfortable being the only non-Arab diner (that’s how you know it’s good).
  • Sima’s Deli. I order from them a couple of times a week, and our love is still fresh and new. All the classics are great, but for a special treat, order any of his authentic Greek dishes. I’m eating hummus as we speak.
  • Lucky Chinese. It’s a bit above average when it comes to Chinese fast food; it’s crag rangoon and it’s location, right by the drive-in movie theater, push it into my favorites.

3. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.

Colsy, Amber, The Other Bear, Jonny Opinion and Lisslo. I tenatively tag Ikey and ‘Rezzie as well, if they’d like to, since they’ve both recently moved, they might not know what’s best in their area yet. And I’d love any of you locals to let me know what I’m missing!

Drinking problem

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No, not THAT sort of drinking problem.  The opposite, sort of, I can’t seem to commit.

I just glanced to the left of my monitor and realized I have four drinks sitting there.  A cup of coffee, a Rockstar Juiced that I bought because I thought it might be a bit warm today for coffee (that, incidently, doesn’t seem to be giving me any energy, only making my teeth hurt, which does make me more alert, but not in a good way), an apple juice (the best energy boost I’ve ever found) and water.

No wonder I take so many pee breaks.