I dragged my eyelids open and checked my phone. Four am. Red and white lights were flickering in from the windows.
Mau was pacing. And bellowing in his little cat voice. MMMMREOR!
Buckman and I both sat up. It smelled like burnt toast. Buckman looked out the window. “What the fu-heeeeeeeeeeey.”
We stumbled out to the balcony.
It wasn’t just fear that took us down the stairs to investigate. It’s our experience that the San Diego Fire Department requires a modeling portfolio to work for them.
We found them to be as attractive as we’d hoped, but I suspect they did not find us as informative as they’d hoped.
Blond Fireman – “Are you both ok?”
Valancy Jane – “I think so, but shouldn’t you carry me upstairs and make sure?”
Brunette Fireman – “Do you know what’s on fire?”
Buckman – “Have you SEEN my ass in these jeans?”
(They had already figured out that a woman on the bottom floor had fallen asleep while cooking. No damage to the building or to the woman herself.
So I don’t see any reason she can’t do it all again tomorrow night. For our sakes.)
Good Lord, what person under the age of 50 pounds on their ceiling with a broom handle?
In his defense though, I suppose, who over the age of 11 jumps on beds?
Last night I found myself without plans at the last minute and it was wonderful. I didn’t do anything productive or healthy.
I sat on my bed in my pjs and played Bejeweled and ate cold pizza and listened to my neighbor have sex.
It was a good night for both of us, I guess.
Dulce wants love and it’s already 86 degrees outside? Typical.
I have learned that my apartment has the same square footage and amenities as Paris Hilton’s ………. doghouse.
Similar color scheme too, which is what really makes it feel weird.
I got upsold on toilet paper because the store was out of my favorite (recycled!) brand in the four pack, and the jumbo pack was on sale for virtually the same price.
Halfway home it occurred to me, where in my 350 square foot (or as I like to think of it, eight thousandths of an acre) apartment am I going to put this? See, my apartment is small. And because I’ve recently acquired a sixty gallon fishtank (in a pinch, a 120 day water supply!) and a 6+ft Belgium gay man (one thousandth of a mile of NO-do-not-buy-that-jacket), there are no more cupboards or corners left.
So to justify itself, every roll has to do double duty as something else.
From top left we have the jumbo pack, a coin bank, foot rest, fly swatter, vase, a place to dry paint brushes, a duster, guest seating, door stop and an iphone holder.
Any other suggestions?