Fast cars and girls.


So I just sold my old car on Craigslist.

What you see here is part of the payoff for a rather frustrating couple of days.  I got tons, TONS of responses, not even sure how many because I just started deleting every one that didn’t use punctuation.  I don’t have time for ALL CAPS MAN, either.

And the questions.  My God, the questions.  If I hadn’t sold it so quickly, I was going to add this to my ad.

Frequently Asked Questions.

No, I will not trade you for it’s worth in tattoos.  Tattoos are awesome, but I don’t think I’ll ever in my life get as much ink as the car is worth, and if I did, it’d be from an artist successful enough to afford his car.

Thanks for letting me know that for half my asking price you’ll “ask no questions about the title.”  I’ll save your email address in case I ever take up GRAND THEFT AUTO, and need an accomplice.

No, you may NOT break into the property where it’s stored and leave the money in the mailbox.  It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that …. no wait.  It IS that I don’t trust you.

Beginning your email with the announcement that you are pro-life does not affect the price of the car.  But you know what I can do for ya?  I can scratch MY bumper stickers off the car.  How’s that? 

Offering me half the value of the car on the spot to “save your precious time,” means you estimate my time as worth that of a very high-priced hooker.  Thanks.  Honestly.  But I’m not a high-priced hooker.  I am a very, very cheap Jew.

In the end, you’d be proud of me, kids.  I sold the car to a mechanic who went from calling me “little lady” and offering me two-thirds my price, to paying my asking price and offering me a job in his shop because I haggled so well.


2 responses »

  1. You should have had a “Guess How I Made this Money” contest. My submissions:

    -You posted an ad as a Babysitter on Craigslist. This was your startup fee for the pony that you talked your client into buying “for his kid.”

    -You sold all your glitter and stickers.

    -Ouch! I hope your other kidney stays healthy!

    -The Mob knows when a girl is bluffing and when a girl ain’t.

    -Someone finally FINALLY! noted that adorbale freckles sell and you’re their new spokesperson!

    -You discovered a new planet at the recent Star Party because of course you did!

    Anyway, good job! I love your responses too. Some people, right?

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