Three years ago.


I didn’t ask for it.

I didn’t go looking for it.  I just went about my daily business.  A unlikely set of events put us both in a very ordinary room and what came after was an ….. occupational hazard.

Sometimes people’s judgment of the love affair that began that day, it starts to sting a bit.  And so my defense is that I had no way of knowing what could happen, I certainly didn’t wake up that day and say, “I’d like my heart to blow up in my face.”

I just wanted a cup of coffee.  That’s nothing to blame me for.

But can I tell you a secret?  Say there’d been a way for me to know.  Some way I could have seen the whole thing in fast-forward or read my own future blog posts, everything from the part where airport security sang just to give us something to slowdance to, to the months spent crying instead of eating, to the night not long ago where I sat at home and used math to compare the human heart to a hydrogen bomb.  Armed with the knowledge that I was about to be ripped apart in the most violent fashion imaginable, I would have …. well I think I would have thrown up.  And then I would have signed up for the whole thing.

But don’t tell anyone that.  Some days I still need people’s sympathy.


8 responses »

  1. *hugs*

    I think about this, about you, and about this, every once in a while, and I send love your way, on the wings of Canadian goose that fly south for the winter. Did you know that? Well now you do. My heart feels for yours.

  2. I wouldn’t give up my bad choices, or make different ones either. My bad choices, my mistakes, and my outright screwups—of which there are many, and they are varied—make me who I am today.

    Plus, I’m able to catch my kids when they want to do mischief before they do it; I’ve already done it, and know what’s up. The benefits of a misspent youth.


  3. I’m late to this lovefest but I second Cols and Rez. I’ve been where you are VJ and it doesn’t ever go away, this feeling, but I don’t think I would change it either even if it didn’t end up the way I expected or wanted. So hugs to you my friend.

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