My therapist had remarked that it sounded as if there were suddenly a lot of babies and pregnancy in my social circle. She sounded concerned.
I told her I felt encouraged by my interactions with pregnant friends. That I DID think of Sadie, but that that thought wasn’t dominating my reactions, that I could feel the appropriate joy for my friends.
I haven’t forgotten, didn’t want to of course, but my emotional state seemed stable.
She smiled and told me not to lose that encouragement if the anniversary hit me hard. “After all, your body remembers. And it’s going to have to process that.”
I didn’t fully appreciate what she meant until I found myself suddenly sobbing, still feeling that year old sense of ….. bewilderment at how empty my arms felt, no matter how tight I clutched them around myself.