Someday I hope to be as nice a person as ….


….. well, anyone at my doctor’s office.  Right down to the parking attendant, everyone is so nice to me I keep expecting them to try to sleep with me.  The entire experience is like rolling around in a giant hammock full of baby ducks and labrador puppies.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go lick the dumpster out back, or slam my fingers in the door or something, so I can go back.  I need to tell Yvonne, the Polish lab nurse who calls me “swveetgurrrl,” that I would like to adopt her please.


8 responses »

  1. Compassion and kindness are hard to come by in an industry where being jaded comes so easily and quickly. I latched on the nurses who held my hands and rubbed my hair during my surgury. They’re gems.

  2. I remember the nurse at the hospital when we had our first child. She had one of the greatest lines in the world. We were debating whether to have an epidural (actually, Mrs. LNU was deciding…I had no say whatsoever).

    The nurse said, “Oh honey, I’ve had three kids, all by natural childbirth. And you know what? Not one of them thanked me.”

    We had the epidural.

  3. I met him in the emergency room at Denver General, just after I had my first motorcycle accident. “The Scrubby Dutchman” as I would come to know him, had a clinical lack compassion and an air of seemingly malicious contempt for anyone stupid enough to end up in front of him in my condition. That is to say, level 4 trauma, a few broken bones, and an uncomfortable amount of highway gravel ground into my flesh.
    Fair enough. I was feeling rather dumb at the moment, a sturdy dose of Demerol notwithstanding.

    It was, however, the way he went about cleaning the debris from my skin that inspired his title. Bringing a bevy of eager interns in tow he abraded my wounds with an enthusiasm usually demonstrated by meth addicts with OCD scrubbing the evil out each corner of their room. While it was an effective cleaning it also was effectively the most heartless display of healing I have ever experienced. I healed up great anyway.

    Scrubby Dutchman, wherever you are, keep swabbing the deck matey. Arrrrrr.

  4. I happen to believe that what we get from the universe is what we put into it and this proves that theory. You are as nice as those people and that is why they treat you that way.

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