Wherein I almost get my ass kicked for incest.

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A very large woman was glaring at me.  We were sitting at a table in a bar, HER bar it turns out.  I like this bar because they have my uncle’s beer on tap, a fact I mentioned to the waiter.  We chatted about the beer and their distributor rep, my cousin Shawn.

Drea was the one who alerted me to the glaring.  I tend to be pretty oblivious to that sort of thing.  Which is prolly why I’ve never been in a bar fight.  No one could get my attention long enough to fight with me.  After she mentioned the glaring for the third time, I glanced back and sure enough, that woman looked like she was about to charge.  Drea brought it up to the waiter, who was conveniently nearby because he loves Drea and wants to have her babies.

“Something up over there?”

He clued us into the fact that the woman was the owner of the bar, and also Shawn’s girlfriend.  There’s been trouble in paradise, apparently and she suspected him of cheating.  When the waiter had mentioned to her that his cousin was here, she’d taken that to mean that Shawn’s new secret lover was there to snicker and make fun.  Drea wanted to leave, but in my typical naive fashion I trotted over with a big smile.

“HI!  You know Shawn?”  She spit back “I”m his GIRLFRIEND.”  I stuck my hand out,  “I’m his cousin!”  She seemed a little taken aback.  I prattled on, mentioning various family members.  She slowly deflated and then said, “oh, I see.  We don’t see his family much.”  We chatted a while longer and then Drea and I left.

I was there again a week later and the same waiter greeted us, and then brightened.  “Oh hey!  Your cousin is here!”

“Over there, behind the bar.”

“That’s not my cousin.”

“Oh.”

I turned to Drea.  “If she asked him about me, he would of course say ‘who?’ and now she must think ….

….

….

…. Ok, I think we should go now.  I don’t want to die.”

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