I said I’d cross them for her.


‘Rez: busy?

Valancy Jane: Never too busy for you.
Or at least, rarely.

‘Rez: I just wanted you to know that your nipples are magical.

Valancy Jane: Well that’s true.
But please go on.

‘Rez: They accepted our offer.
The house!
The house is ours!!!!

You have a house. A pretty house.

‘Rez: Many, many pictures will be published to the Internet relating to this fact.
I doooooo!
It’s so pretty!
And it will be SO MUCH FUN to update it!

Valancy Jane: GAWD, you’re such a grownup.

‘Rez: And decorate!
I know! It feels about as serious as accepting to marry doug, actually.

Valancy Jane: When did you and I stop being thirteen?

‘Rez: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s a facade.

Valancy Jane: nods
We can’t tell a soul, except the internet.


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