Chinatown Souvenir


I was browsing in my favorite shop in Chinatown, looking at all their little silk bags, and a woman was shopping near me. She looked eastern European by my best guess, but I figured she spoke English. She picked up a large piece in a soft purple shade, and I said, “oh that’s lovely.”

At the sound of my voice, she looked up at me blankly. Realizing that she didn’t understand, I attempted it once more with supplemental hand motions. I waved my hand over the bin with a noncommittal smile, and as my hand slid over the one in her hand, I brightened my smile. I thought it was quite clear what I meant.

I suppose she thought it was clear as well, because without hesitation she looked me right in the eye, reached around, put her hand on my ass, and gave it a good squeeze. Deliberate, but without lingering. A businesslike ass grab, if there could be such a thing. And without changing expression, she gave a brief nod, and wandered off.

The encounter has left me a bit confused on every level. Did the syllables in my words sound just like the sound arrangement of “please grab my ass” in her language? If a stranger asked you to grab their ass, would you? Does this mean she likes me? Will I get pregnant? Will she call?


8 responses »

  1. You always claimed you have a nice bum. Now you know it’s universal.

    Besides, if you went to another country where you didn’t speak the language, wouldn’t you answer every question with an @$$ grab?

  2. Amanda – Oh good.

    Jonny – I think you’re right. I’ve accepted this now.

    Colsy – I totally, totally would. Everyone would assume it was just a cultural misunderstanding, and I’d get tons of free feels.

  3. Well I suppose the fact that it was business-like is designed to make you feel less objectified. It’s more of a statement that way. “You like this? Well I like THIS.”

  4. Hahaha!! Maybe where she comes from the way to agree with someone is to squeeze their ass. I mean, think about it, when we want someone to know we like them, don’t we do that? Well, maybe her country or town is a place where when you want someone to know that you think the comment or statement they made is pleasant to you, you squeeze their buttocks in a show of solidarity. In fact, I am going to use this as my new tactic with my husband. Examples,
    “Honey would you like me to cook tonight?” *Ass squeeze*
    “Honey would you like to watch the news?” *Ass squeeze*
    “Honey can I have a bite of your cookie?” *Ass squeeze*
    “Honey can you wash the skidmarks out of my underwear?” *NO ASS SQUEEZE* and I would think he’d get the point.

  5. Rezzlestumpskin – Well, it IS a nice bum.

    Amber – Well it’s a brilliant plan, and if she didn’t want me before she grabbed my bum, I’m certain she did once she got a feel.

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