Monthly Archives: April 2008

Note to self

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When you’re walking home at night past a car dealership and the security guy sees you, and the hunk of broken cement in your hand, saying, “Oh, don’t worry, it’s just a souvenier from the bat cavewon’t set his mind at rest.

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I’m the baddest mother fucker you know.

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I realized I couldn’t move the bed to where the bookcase was without first moving the bookcase out of the way, and that I couldn’t move the bookcase to where the bed was without first moving the bed out of the way.

So I took the bed and the few remaining boxes out of my room, piling them in the living room so that I’d have room to move the bookcase.

And then I realized I couldn’t move the bookcase by myself, and my roommates were out.  It’s a solid six foot by six foot bookcase, so I suppose there’s no shame in not being able to move it.

But the next morning I was really frustrated.  I couldn’t move the bookcase so I couldn’t set up the loft bed so I couldn’t get it out of the living room so I couldn’t leave because leaving that mess in the living room for my roommates to come home to would just be tacky.

I don’t think it was my muscles that finally just moved the bookcase, I think it was sheer PMS hormonal frustration.

But move it I did.  ‘Cause I’m a gangster.

Of course I had to take a break halfway through and lay on the floor and whimper, and I still can’t move my neck to the left.  So there’s that.

But I’d do it again.

And if there’s any doubt in your mind that I’m the shit, yo, I then assembled my loft bed all by myself.

On Facebook Chat

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Valancy Jane – Mr. Frumples is alive. Yesterday I had two live caterpillars. Last night I had one live caterpillarand one dead one. This morning I found that I had one dead caterpillar and two live ones.

Someone –
and.
?

Valancy Jane –
Exactly.
You understand my confusion.
Here are my two theories.
One, Mr. Frumples shed his skin and it looks exactly like a dead caterpillar or ….
Two, Mr. Frumples is the Messiah.

Someone –
i’d go for the 2nd

Valancy Jane
Me too.
Let’s worship him.

Someone –
and behold the word was with god
and the word was god
of course he’s a worm
a book worm
in the bible
can’t believe those theologians never saw it
from the mouths of babes i guess

Valancy Jane –
Incidentally, when it comes to loft beds, zip ties are kinda like bolts, right?

Someone –
sure don’t worry about it.

Valancy Jane
Kay.
I may die tonight.

Someone –
pray

Valancy Jane –
Mr. Frumples will save me.

Someone –
depends
do you believe in him?

Valancy Jane –
With all my heart.

Someone –
and forsake all others before him.

Valancy Jane –
What others? Do you know of any other resurrecting caterpillars?

Someone –
just a couple dudes outta jersey
but i think they were frauds

Valancy Jane –
I never believe anyone from Jersey.

Someone –
you shouldn’t.

Valancy Jane –
Can anything good come from Jersey?

I think Aurora just saved my life.

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First I spent $75 on a used loft bed that’s missing the specialized tool to tighten the bolts.

Then I tried to assemble it on the instructions promise that it can be set up to face either way, but found out that in fact it can’t because if I face it the way I want to, the holes are a millimeter off, meaning I can’t put the screw in which means the whole thing collapes and gashes my knee open and I realized that setting it up to face this way is hopeless and I’ll have to put it where the giant book case is but the boxes are still in the way and I can’t unpack because the bed is taking up too much room and I can’t put the bed there because the boxes are taking up too much room and I can’t move the bookcase anyway and Mr. Frumples is dead.

And then I cried.

And then Aurora came over and took me to get ice cream, and we debated about whether or not women in the gym shower would let you measure their vagina, in exchange for a free slurpee.

I love Aurora.