Valancy Jane

Valancy Jane says:
If we start a fan club, we have an excuse to have meetings and serve punch.

New Kid in Marketing says:
And get a vacuum tube?

Valancy Jane says:
We could vote on that, yes.
We could put a committee in charge of it.

NKiM says:
What about a dog?
Like a team mascot?

Valancy Jane says:
YES.
I mean, all in favor say “aye.”
AYE

NKiM says:
We could spray paint its fur with a stencil, and it’d walk around the office all day, sporting our [company-approved] logo.
EH

Valancy Jane says:
EH is half a yes, so the ayes have it.
I volunteer to be the stencil painter.

NKiM says:
I suppose a yes-and-a-half with no opposition would win.
Ok.
I’ll be the stencil maker.

Valancy Jane says:
Which means I get a new badge on my sash.

NKiM says:
You have a sash?
I want one too.

Valancy Jane says:
Hello? Consult last meeting’s minutes.
Of course we have sashes.

NKiM says:
Oh. What color?

Valancy Jane says:
Mine says “Miss Congeniality” and yours says “God.”
They’re light green.

NKiM says:
Hmm… I know a few people that might object to my nametag…

Valancy Jane says:
Such as ……………. God?

NKiM says:
For starters, yeah.
Him and most of the other people I’ve ever known.

Valancy Jane says:
We got licensing rights. It’s not wholly unprecedented.

NKiM says:
They don’t like me THAT much - although I’m pretty good.

Valancy Jane says:
We used the same rep King James did.
And not to name drop or anything but Jesus and I are pretty tight.
Us Jewish liberals tend to stick together.
Plus, he goes to my spin class.

“Uh, so all of us in engineering *points to row of windows on the building* are wondering what you’re doing.  So they picked me to come out and ask you.”

I crawled out of the bush.  “I’m looking for a rat.”

“Ok.  But …………….. see, I personally accept that explanation, when I go back in there, they’re gonna want more.”

So I’ve been looking for just the right iPhone cover.

I didn’t want one of those rubber thingies.  You know, the ones that are like a little condom, that you leave on while you use the phone.  It’s my experience (and by that I mean by how many times I’ve dropped it) that the iPhone is surprisingly sturdy and scratch resistant.

Well, not that I want it to get all up and personal with my house keys.

Hence my need of a case of some sorts, for while it’s not in my hand, or under my pillow.

What I really want is something I can slip into my purse during the day.  Preferably something opens at the skinny end so that I can plug in my headphones.  And something that I can slide my debit card into at night, so that it can BE my purse.

So to review, I need sleek, non tacky, preferably with a wrist strap.

I looked all over, like, the ENTIRE internet.  The closest I found was something in an etsy shop that was the perfect shape, but in a fabric that barely worked for daytime, and not at all as an evening bag.

And that’s when it hit me.

Isn’t this exactly what women used to need from a cigarette case?

I went straight over to ebay and typed in “vintage cigarette case” and after a page or two, I found it.  Admittedly there was a bit of a snag when I realized that the average cigarette is 4 1/4 inches, and my darling iPhone is 4 1/2 inches.

But then she appeared.

She was made to fit on my iPhone.  Well, actually she was made to fit a very very very special type of cigarette, called a 100.  I dunno what that is, exactly.  But if I knew, I’d totally smoke them, I’m so happy for their existence.

As of 2am, barring any other bidders, she is mine.  I’ve forgiven her lack of wrist strap because I think I can add one.

Send beads.

….. why I am a FREAKING GENIUS.

I hope she marries me next.

Do it yourself home electrolysis.

I prefer to have someone besides myself to sue.

I recently added a application on my iPhone at my brother’s suggestion, called Loopt.  It allows friends you invite and approve to see your location via the GPS device in your phone.  If one of my friends happen to be near me, I can call their attention to this fact with a “ping.”

I told Jesse that this reminded me of my first cell phone (which was also a gift from him) when I was 18.  One of the first calls I made on that phone was to a friend I saw on the freeway.  “Hey!  I’m right behind you!  Don’t you just love cell phones?”  And at that time, I had a sudden suspicion that the majority of the calls I’d make would be to people who were within a mile of me.

Well, and now?

Now I’m a receptionist.  I sit at a switchboard and talk to people in the same building as me.  But even my personal calls tend to run in a familiar vein.  “I’m here, where are you?”  “Hey, I’m at the door, let me in.”  “I’m parking, see you soon.”

And sure this whole internet thing has opened the whole world up for me and given me friends who live very far away, but it now I want to visit them, I want to live next door to them, and borrow their books and never return them.

So all this technology hasn’t really changed our idea of community, has it?

New Kid in Marketing says:
ROFLMAOMFG

Valancy Jane says:
Hee!

New Kid in Marketing says:
As far as I’m aware - I invented that particular phrase.
Combining all the web-terms for jubilance and surprise.

Valancy Jane says:
Whenever I feel that way, I just take my top off and run around.
That’s pretty all purpose too.

New Kid in Marketing says:
I did that when I used to play soccer…

Valancy Jane says:
Now in “ROFLMAOMFG”, is the accent on the second syllable?

New Kid in Marketing says:
No more though. I have a desk job… not much fun there.
The sixth, actually
It’s spanish

Valancy Jane says:
Who says desk jobs have to be less fun?

New Kid in Marketing says:
I’m sure YOURS isn’t, Jungle [Valancy] Jane.

Valancy Jane says:
Could you spell “ROFLMAOMFG” phonetically?

New Kid in Marketing says:
It already IS.
Sheesh.

Valancy Jane says:
Hmmm.
*hacks up a hairball*
Is that the proper pronounciation?

New Kid in Marketing says:
Impressive. But I don’t think I want to know where the hair originated from to MAKE that…

Valancy Jane says:
Don’t judge me.

New Kid in Marketing says:
Judging and questioning are different things.
Apples and oranges.
I was mentally QUESTIONING

Valancy Jane says:
A peach, actually.

New Kid in Marketing says:
A peach of a girl. Indeed.

Valancy Jane says:
No, that’s where the hair came from.
Why, what were YOU thinking?

…… “I tend to confuse people only when they expect me to behave like most people.”

She’s everything I asked her to be, including sturdy, cheap, and roomy without being too bulky.  She has just enough room for all the stuff I shlep to work and back everyday, such as my pellegrino, my books, my crochet project, my veggie pita, that little green stuffed animal alien I won at the fair, ect.  You know. 

Very Important Work Stuff.