Valancy Jane

One kitchen table.

Two kitchen chairs.

One microwave cart

One microwave.

Two barstools.

Myself.

It seems that ZJ’s sabbatical is starting sink in, as it’s only three weeks in and he says he’s running out of things to do.  Which is really impressive considering he spend the first two weeks in Spain.  He must be very efficient.

So, being the extremely helpful woman that I am, I am compiling this list of ideas.

• Wash my car. 
• Frame OJ Simpson.  Again.
• Learn to speak whatever language the least amount of people alive today speak.  (Welsh?)
• Talk someone into letting you pierce their ear.
• Read an entire Interview magazine in one sitting.
• Work on your turnout and toe strength until you can do this barefoot.
• Begin the process of an overseas adoption.
• Start a band in your garage and write a song titled “OMG Ponies!!!!1!!!”
• Build a swimup bar in your pool.  (Actually that was Ed’s idea, but I think it’s obvious that we’d all benefit.)
• Go to google maps, and make up an address.  Edit it until you find a real one.  Write a chatty letter and mail it to that address. 

If all else fails, develope a drinking problem, or start knitting.  Either one will completely suck up the rest of your days.

I’d heard this idea going around, to make a list of 100 things to do for the 100 days of summer.  But a list that long sounds like a chore, even just to write, and if I was making a list of things NOT to do this summer, giving myself unnecessary chores would be number one on that list.

• Eat an absurd amount of Popsicles.
• Save the sticks from said Popsicles, and make a birdhouse.  Perhaps in the shape of the Taj Mahal.  Perhaps life-size.
• Stock my glitter cabinet.
• Use the entire stock of the glitter cabinet.
• Restock.
• Invent a new dance form.
• Teach at least one other person the new dance form. 
• Really buckle down and learn at least one more chord on the guitar.  (Every kook should play the guitar, I’m about to have my license rescinded.)
• Resign myself to being a poor excuse for a guitar player, and return to the tamborine.
• Decorate the tamborine with glitter.
• Incorporate it into new dance form.
• Pull a prank on Lola.
• Eat as much watermelon as I like.
• Snort glitter.
• Get a henna tattoo kit.
• Get a real tattoo.  Or six.
• Break into a deserted carnival.
• Get thrown out of some sort of public place.  For something worth getting thrown out for.
• Print out my recent fan mail on postcards, and pose nude with the postcards over my ladybits.
• Post (almost) nude pictures on blog.
• Buy better locks for my doors.
• Do something to really muss up my hair at least twice a week.
• Buy a hair brush.
• Brush hair weekly, whether it needs it or not.
• Rescue 100 feeder gold fish and release them here. 
• Name all the fish.
• Light off a firework in an unexpected setting.  Like, the bathtub.  Or at dawn.
• Find out if my roof is sturdy enough to throw a party on.
• If not, throw it on someone else’s roof.  As a surprise.
• Throw a party in a laundrymat.  “Bring your whites and some rum!  And maybe roller skates.”
• Find a craft project to use all those wine bottle corks.
• Find out exactly how fast I can twirl.
• Look into getting a pet crow.
• Write thank you notes to Advil, Fred Rogers and the guy that cuts the grass outside the lobby.
• Buy velvet underwear.
• Write a letter to “Petr” in Russia and hopefully find out why his address is scribbled in the margin of my diary, circa 2002. 
• Get a tan on the bottom of my feet.
• Get a tan on my bottom.
• Find out how high Rudolf can jump. 

Hmmmm.  This is fun.  Maybe making it to 100 wouldn’t be a chore.  To be continued …….

The rules:

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the city/state and country you’re in.

Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)
tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, United States)
Todd (Louisville, Kentucky, United States)
miss kendra (los angeles, california, u.s.a)
Valancy Jane (San Diego, CA, USA)

2. List out your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location.

• Alberts Taco shop. Order the rolled tacos, but not too many. They’re HUGE. And the best. Get them to go, since in-store dining involves bar stools, a counter, and a view of the neighboring smoke shop.
• The Brigantine in Del Mar. It doesn’t have the best bar but it’s certainly a great one, it’s a chain but nobody wears “flair”, the seafood isn’t the absolute best I’ve ever had but it’s certainly very good. While there is little about this place that is exceptional, it’s solid “very good” ranking in every single category, and kick ass location, make it a very easy, simple choice. (When I was a single gal, I used to hit the bar there after the horse races to meet men with disposable income, in a hyped up mood, and I never had to pay for my own drink. Little tip for y’all single girls out there.)
• Ali Baba’s. Gloriously over-embellished. Go with someone, order a two item combo and a three item combo, thereby getting one order of each of the five options under the combos. Don’t go if you don’t like toddlers or would be uncomfortable being the only non-Arab diner (that’s how you know it’s good).
• Sima’s Deli. I order from them a couple of times a week, and our love is still fresh and new. All the classics are great, but for a special treat, order any of his authentic Greek dishes. I’m eating hummus as we speak.
• Lucky Chinese. It’s a bit above average when it comes to Chinese fast food; it’s crag rangoon and it’s location, right by the drive-in movie theater, push it into my favorites.

3. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.

Colsy, Amber, The Other Bear, Jonny Opinion and Lisslo. I tenatively tag Ikey and ‘Rezzie as well, if they’d like to, since they’ve both recently moved, they might not know what’s best in their area yet. And I’d love any of you locals to let me know what I’m missing!

No, not THAT sort of drinking problem.  The opposite, sort of, I can’t seem to commit.

I just glanced to the left of my monitor and realized I have four drinks sitting there.  A cup of coffee, a Rockstar Juiced that I bought because I thought it might be a bit warm today for coffee (that, incidently, doesn’t seem to be giving me any energy, only making my teeth hurt, which does make me more alert, but not in a good way), an apple juice (the best energy boost I’ve ever found) and water.

No wonder I take so many pee breaks.

My Lou (skip to her) (ha, ha) has a new blog and as you can see by her title, wants imput on a name for it.

While I see nothing wrong with the title she has, I’m glad to oblige.

• So Then I Said …. (tagline possibilities abound)
• Camera Winks
• … With a pinch of pixie stix dust
• Glitter in the Mac’nCheese

Yes, a sunny seaside border town has rednecks.  And because they aren’t many of them, it’s become a lifestyle choice, to be fully embraced, no going back.  There are no sorta-rednecks.  Only full on, southern accented even though they grew up right here, tan line across the forehead rednecks.  Redneck, distilled.  A case of island giantism, in spirit.  They all firmly believe that they are real cowboys, although San Diego hasn’t had a cattle ranch here since the Gold Rush.  We have a rodeo, but it’s all very dude ranch.  Don’t tell them that, though.

Somehow we ended up right in the middle of their part of town.  Well, not “somehow,” I know how.  It was a house(!) with a yard(!) at an affordable price(!), all rarities here.

Worried that you might find yourself in such a place, that you might be considered the uppity neighbor just because you own books with no pictures, and drink imported beer and can handle a chopstick?  The following are signs you might have landed in a redneck hotbed.

• You are the only woman on your block who is not pregnant.
• You actually hear the N-word.  In song.  And I don’t mean rap.  At a PARTY.
• People only smoke cigarettes when they run out of chewing tobacco.
• They put up a billboard on a residential street.  For Coors Light.  In spanish.
• The bottles of champagne naively stocked by the middle eastern man who runs the corner liquor store when he first opened his store, have become very dusty, a condition he has stopped trying to combat.
• They are openly suspicious of any meal not accompanied by gravy or beans.
• It’s not a party unless you get the BIG bag of potato chips.  That jumbo size you can only get at Walmart.
• The longest work of fiction you can find in a 10 mile radius is a bumper sticker.
• On saturdays, you can never escape the smell of BBQ.
• The local gossip really does sound like the lyrics to a country song.  “She left him and took his dog, but he drove around until he spotted her truck outside his buddy’s house ……”
• Every yard has at least two sheds, one of which probably hasn’t been opened since Jimmy Carter was president.

1. It’s always a good time for South Park.
2. Feel free to request that other people get things for you, if you have a cat in your lap.
3. Lead Luca not into temptation to eat the cats’ food, leave the bathroom sliding door open only about five inches.
4. Feel free to share your food with the pets, if they’re asking nicely, and from a respectful distance.
5. The house extends it’s apologies in advance if you(r butt) discover(s) a stray bicycle part among the couch cushions.
6. The house shares no liability should you choose to participate in anything Nick suggests, if it involves fire or a unicycle.
7. Cat hair is a fact of life. Deal.
8. You can judge our housekeeping skills. Silently.
9. If you want something non-alcoholic to drink, your options are milk, water, tea, or bring it yourself.
10. We respect your right to watch sports on TV. Anywhere else but our living room.

Drop by anytime!