Valancy Jane

My dog is leavin’. 

By the time I get home tonight, Miss Kylie Jane will be on her way to a farm in Iowa with my former neighbors, her *gulp* real owners.

I gave her some new jewelry, to remember me by.  I think she wanted to eat it.

I packed up all her things, her favorite blanket, which used to be my favorite blanket, so she’ll have something that smells like me, her treats, some new toys for the road, and her one surviving toy, (not counting the chewed off part of a large hipbone that looks suspiciously human she’s been toting joyously around the backyard).

I said goodbye.  She did a backflip and put her muddy paw in my mouth.  I giggled, and then I cried.  Then she whimpered because I was crying.

So I bit back the tears, told her what a good girl she was and walked away like nothing at all was wrong.

ZJ: Ok, have a good night.

Valancy Jane: I’ll try. Kylie Jane will lick my face if I cry, and I DEFY you not to giggle when a dog is licking your face.
It’s impossible.

ZJ: Unless you just watched him/her eat it’s own poop

Valancy Jane: Naw, Kylie Jane is a very tidy little dog.

ZJ: Then you have nothing to worry about

Valancy Jane: Right down to her pink toenails.

ZJ: *shakes head disapprovingly*

Valancy Jane: What?
They’re NATURALLY pink.

ZJ: Oh, well that’s better.

Valancy Jane: I can see how, knowing me, you’d assume that I would paint her nails, and the truth is, I would, but I DIDN’T.

This just ain’t been a good day.  Did you know a company can ignore your calls for a year, then suddenly call and demand payment, as if you’ve been avoiding them? 

Send money.  Or glitter.  Or kittens.

I’m heading home to give Kylie Jane ten years worth of love, before I have to say goodbye tomorrow morning.

My stomach hurts.

I found out this morning that Kylie Jane doesn’t need a foster home anymore, and is going back to her owners tomorrow.
I cried all the way to work.

“I’ve grown accustomed to her face.
She almost makes the day begin.
I’ve grown accustomed to the tune that
She whistles night and noon.
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now;
Like breathing out and breathing in.
I was serenely independent and content before we met;
Surely I could always be that way again-
And yet
I’ve grown accustomed to her look;
Accustomed to her voice;
Accustomed to her face.”

….. I mean she chews.

Here is a tin can I had to take away from her, that’s she’d CHEWED OPEN.  She’s a CAN OPENER.  What is she, part goat? 

I tried to find the rock she had yesterday, that’s she’d CHEWED INTO TWO PIECES, but maybe she ate them.

As you can imagine, the fact that she’s chipper/shredder on legs makes buying toys for her tricky.  And very necessary, since I WANT her to chew on toys, not rocks and cans and the porch.

The life of Kylie Jane’s toys is very short.  She ate (yes, ATE) a Kong in under two days.  And so last night I gave her a toy, just an average chew toy that “provides long lasting fun for your canine friend,” and timed her.  24 minutes from toy to confetti.

Perhaps the most endearing, and yet unnerving part of it all is how precise and mannerly and delicate her manners are.  She practically has her pinky extended.

At first I was concerned at how on earth I was going to afford her toy appetites, but today I’d like to announce the grand opening of Kylie Jane’s Evidence Shredding Service.  Bring us your documents, old credit cards, dead hookers, and we’ll insure that all the kings horses and all the kings men won’t be able to put the evidence back together again.

Inside the rambuctious, ill mannered puppy was a lonely, civilized little gal, who only wants to snuggle and love.  Who knew?  Now that she has a schedule, consistant commands, and attention, she’s a whole new dog.

The saddest part of my day is when I put (and sometimes I have to push) her outside in the mornings, and the best part is when I go home and get to snuggle with her on the couch. 

Suddenly, I don’t know what I ever did without her.

Someone mailing me a t-shirt that reads, “It’s OK, I’m a professional” on it.

The gal in Payroll realizing that I’d been shorted on my check, and handing me a check for two hundred bucks.

Puppy love from my temporary dog.

See, I came down with my annual Thanksgiving flu (Every! Single! Year! Since I was 15!  Yes, seriously!), and since I didn’t want to get anybody else sick, so I spent most of this long weekend home alone.

And when I tell people that, it often seems to concern them, and the best way I know how to explain how not lonely it was is to present this little slide show.  Ready?

The lake by my house ….

(This cow totally tried to lick my face.) (And then I tried to buy her.)

Hanging around the house, watching really pointless TV ….

Lots of soft foods……

And I got to spend some time with Miss Kylie Jane. She’s not technically mine until the neighbors move on the first of the year, but they were gone on Thanksgiving so I borrowed her. She was very excited to be inside the house. As you can see. Keep in mind, all of these pictures were taken within the span of about ten seconds.
She’s got energy, that girl.

I’d spend my holiday weekend again this way in a heartbeat.

Last Friday at around 2AM, two animals got in a fight outside my door.  I can tell by the tracks in the blood that one of them was a raccoon, but I can’t tell if the raccoon was the attacker, or the attackee, or if they were both raccoons.

Kylie Jane wouldn’t let any of us near the scene until morning.  Not that I was anxious to, really.

Ew. Ew, ew, ew.