Valancy Jane

Valancy Jane - “Let’s take it again, it doesn’t look very octopussy.”

Conehead - *straightfaced*

Valancy Jane - “Hee.  I said pussy.”

Conehead - “Hey. Want a brownie?”

Chica in Marketing - “No, thanks.”

Valancy Jane - “That’s a filthy lie, [Chica in Marketing]. EVERYONE wants a brownie.”

Chica in Marketing - “Well, of course I do want one, I just don’t need one.”

Conehead - “Nobody NEEDS one. Just run up the stairs two at a time and then you can eat all the brownies you want.”

Valancy Jane - “I think you’re seriously underestimating how many brownies I want.”

Conehead - “Have a brownie.”

Valancy Jane - “I’m good.”

Conehead - “Have a brownie, have a brownie.”

Valancy Jane - “I had a big sandwich, and a handful of yogurt covered cranberries.”

Conehead - “If you rub the brownie all over you, you’ll still get to enjoy it’s sugary goodness.”

Valancy Jane - “Is that REALLY why you want me to do it?”

My boss said he needs to talk to me about that raise I asked for.  And of course, my desperate need for his approval and neurotic tendencies mean my mind immediately leaps to the obvious conclusion that he’s going to fire me.  And that he hates my hair.

Sam made me a cinnamon roll and Conehead brought me donuts. 

I’m sitting down here going into a sugar coma and WILLING him to call me up and get this meeting over with.  I wonder if it would help if I stood outside his office and clawed at my face, whimpering “DON’T YOU KNOW YOU’RE KILLING ME?” until he lets me in.

“If you can get yourself slapped in more than one language, that’s bilingual.”

-Conehead

I just returned to my desk to find donuts and expresso.

NOW we’re talking.

Sam brought me iced tea and a freshly baked coffee cake.

Conehead brought me three mini donuts and a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper.

Sumer brought me a breakfast burrito.

GAWD I love my friends.

Conehead mentioned to me that one of the magazines in the men’s room here at work had an article about how to seduce various office stereotype women.

The Prudish HR Dame, the Puppyish Intern, the Aging Executive, etc. 

Personally, supposedly I can be most sucessfully seduced by being hot and cold and getting me to chase you.  That doesn’t sound like fun, so I’m rewriting this and pasting it over the article. 

Now the men in this office will read that their receptionist can be seduced by giving her a puppy.

…… when a man offers you not just drinks, but pony rides, no, ACTUAL pony rides.  He was, quote, “prepared to hook that up, if that’s what it would take.”  Where he thought he was going to find a pony, downtown, on a skytop bar on a Tuesday night is beyond me.  And no, really, he meant a pony ride.  Not, like ……. a pony ride.

That’s a compliment, yo.

So it was a good party. 

Here is my Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls, showing off that to die for hair.  GAWD I love it.

Conehead, talking about ……… computers or the meaning of life or sex or something. 

And Ed, who is very good about not talking about work outside of the office.  That’s a very good quality to have.

Of course, people rarely talk about work to me, because ……. well, I have no idea what they’re saying.  Also, because I’m busy making “I’m so drunk” faces.

Whatever.  I look good.  Just ask my pony ride connection.

Conehead - *bent over fixing something under this desk*

Valancy Jane - *strolls by*

*loud wolf whistle*

Executive - *turns around*  “Oh, that sounds like sexual harassment.  [Valancy Jane], would you like me to get the HR manager?”

Valancy Jane - “Uh ………. I was the one that whistled.”