Ikey says:
Have i told you today how much i love you?
Valancy Jane says:
Not today.
But I got the hooker-gram you sent last night.
Colsy says:
Did you get the condom-gram i sent you?
Valancy Jane says:
Yes, thank god.
JUST IN TIME.
2 Comments
Did you have to pay him extra, for that thing he did with his toes?
Rules of Order
Valancy Jane says:
If we start a fan club, we have an excuse to have meetings and serve punch.
New Kid in Marketing says:
And get a vacuum tube?
Valancy Jane says:
We could vote on that, yes.
We could put a committee in charge of it.
NKiM says:
What about a dog?
Like a team mascot?
Valancy Jane says:
YES.
I mean, all in favor say “aye.”
AYE
NKiM says:
We could spray paint its fur with a stencil, and it’d walk around the office all day, sporting our [company-approved] logo.
EH
Valancy Jane says:
EH is half a yes, so the ayes have it.
I volunteer to be the stencil painter.
NKiM says:
I suppose a yes-and-a-half with no opposition would win.
Ok.
I’ll be the stencil maker.
Valancy Jane says:
Which means I get a new badge on my sash.
NKiM says:
You have a sash?
I want one too.
Valancy Jane says:
Hello? Consult last meeting’s minutes.
Of course we have sashes.
NKiM says:
Oh. What color?
Valancy Jane says:
Mine says “Miss Congeniality” and yours says “God.”
They’re light green.
NKiM says:
Hmm… I know a few people that might object to my nametag…
Valancy Jane says:
Such as ……………. God?
NKiM says:
For starters, yeah.
Him and most of the other people I’ve ever known.
Valancy Jane says:
We got licensing rights. It’s not wholly unprecedented.
NKiM says:
They don’t like me THAT much - although I’m pretty good.
Valancy Jane says:
We used the same rep King James did.
And not to name drop or anything but Jesus and I are pretty tight.
Us Jewish liberals tend to stick together.
Plus, he goes to my spin class.
Never found him.
“Uh, so all of us in engineering *points to row of windows on the building* are wondering what you’re doing. So they picked me to come out and ask you.”
I crawled out of the bush. “I’m looking for a rat.”
“Ok. But …………….. see, I personally accept that explanation, when I go back in there, they’re gonna want more.”
We were discussing vacuum cleaners
New Kid in Marketing says:
ROFLMAOMFG
Valancy Jane says:
Hee!
New Kid in Marketing says:
As far as I’m aware - I invented that particular phrase.
Combining all the web-terms for jubilance and surprise.
Valancy Jane says:
Whenever I feel that way, I just take my top off and run around.
That’s pretty all purpose too.
New Kid in Marketing says:
I did that when I used to play soccer…
Valancy Jane says:
Now in “ROFLMAOMFG”, is the accent on the second syllable?
New Kid in Marketing says:
No more though. I have a desk job… not much fun there.
The sixth, actually
It’s spanish
Valancy Jane says:
Who says desk jobs have to be less fun?
New Kid in Marketing says:
I’m sure YOURS isn’t, Jungle [Valancy] Jane.
Valancy Jane says:
Could you spell “ROFLMAOMFG” phonetically?
New Kid in Marketing says:
It already IS.
Sheesh.
Valancy Jane says:
Hmmm.
*hacks up a hairball*
Is that the proper pronounciation?
New Kid in Marketing says:
Impressive. But I don’t think I want to know where the hair originated from to MAKE that…
Valancy Jane says:
Don’t judge me.
New Kid in Marketing says:
Judging and questioning are different things.
Apples and oranges.
I was mentally QUESTIONING
Valancy Jane says:
A peach, actually.
New Kid in Marketing says:
A peach of a girl. Indeed.
Valancy Jane says:
No, that’s where the hair came from.
Why, what were YOU thinking?
The bridesmaid dress I wear on laundry day.
Valancy Jane: It’s a cute enough dress, but was not intended for girls with boobs.
Hangs like a sack on me.
ZJ: So why keep it?
Valancy Jane: To golf in, actually.
ZJ: You don’t golf.
Valancy Jane: True story - The wedding was at a country club. Me and two of the other bridesmaids are at the wedding site, about a half hour before it starts, in matching dress, holding bouquets. Some guy asked us if we were there for a wedding, or to golf.
ZJ: Maybe he was kidding around.
Valancy Jane: Anyway, the girls and I decided to wear our dresses golfing sometime, so that we could say “to golf” and actually mean it, the next time.
Cultural lesson at the Buffalo Exchange.
Valancy Jane - “Wow.”
Ali - “Those shoes must have belonged to a drag queen.”
Valancy Jane - “I dunno, size 6 1/2 is pretty small.”
Ali - “Asian drag queen, honey.”
Valancy Jane - “Ah. Of course.”
I’m never sure if it looks like me anyway.
July 9, 2008, 7:36 pm
Filed under: actual conversations
Filed under: actual conversations
Valancy Jane - “Just this paper please.”
Cashier - “Ok.”
Valancy Jane - *hands over debit card*
Cashier - “ID please?”
Valancy Jane - “Oh, here.”
Cashier - *looks at ID* *looks at Valancy Jane*
Valancy Jane - “I never know where to look when people do that. Should I smile? I’m not smiling in the picture. Should I look bored, to mimic my expression in the picture? Looking at someone in the eye while they’re trying to take in details of your face … well it just feels … aggressive almost.”
Cashier - “I know, right?”
That, and an excuse to get a puppy.
Coworker D - “Did you see my necklace? My daughter made it for me.”
Valancy Jane - “It’s beautiful! I really love the pearls.”
Coworker D - “My daughter MADE it.”
Valancy Jane - “That seems like the single greatest reason to have children.”
So. Tired.
Sumer - “How was the band Sat. night?”
Valancy Jane - “What band? I went dancing.”
Sumer - “Oh, right, that was me. I saw a band. ……………………… It was good.”
The bear was cuter anyway.
Valancy Jane said:
Interesting note about the zoo face painters.
You know what they won’t paint?
They won’t paint your face to look like you’ve been mauled.
Thérèse says:
*gigggggle*
You wanted it to look like a tiger had his way with you, didn’t you.
Valancy Jane says:
Yes.
Which isn’t true, of course.
The tiger was very sweet.
We made out.
Do you think he’ll call?
Thérèse says:
No.
