Archive for February, 2009
“The tissue.”
“What you passed from your vagina.”
“The contents of your uterus.”
I flinched every single time, but I had no better suggestions. Frankly, I had to stand there and stammer and hope they could figure out what was in the tupperware, because I was somehow blocked, physically unable to wrap my mouth around the sounds necessary [...]
Filed under: babybabybaby, go ahead and cry | 11 Comments
If I ever snap …
… it will prolly sound something like this.
“There is no such thing as ‘pinging’ someone. There is no pinging machine. I can often infer from the context that you mean ‘call’ or ‘email,’ but not always so stop fucking saying that, and just say ‘call’ or ‘email,’ for the love all all that [...]
Filed under: rant | 15 Comments
…. was really a huge personal achievement. I should be allowed to put it on my resume. It required patience, calm, a basic understanding of physics (if it came in, it must come out), split second decision making (do I want to hit the Lexus or hit the Mercedes?), a backup plan (maybe [...]
Filed under: Life in Little Italy, commute | 11 Comments
Obviously a compliment.
Aurora says:
How’s the deluxe apartment in the sky?!!!
Valancy Jane says:
Loverly!
I have the whole city for a nightlight.
Kim says:
Wow.
Colsy says:
nice!
Rhett says:
Can you unplug the whole city?
Colsy says:
she can flash the whole city
Valancy Jane says:
I can, and did.
A dog immediately started barking.
Filed under: Life in Little Italy, Rhett, actual conversations, attention whore, aurora, can't take me anywhere, colsy, kim | 4 Comments
…. not so much to shop as to listen to the cashier have the most personal discussion imaginable with her boyfriend, covering such topics as marriage, the thing they did in the hot tub, and her drug recovery, on SPEAKERPHONE.
Also, I bought some really awesome stockings.
Filed under: Twinnie, oooooolala | 4 Comments
RE: His status message
Valancy Jane: “Banned from Yahoo answers”?
Cody: k
yeah.
Valancy Jane: I could hug you.
What did you do?
Cody: some 14 year old girl asked what type of job she could do from home and I said to post on craiglist under the erotic services section. But only do incall and wear protection
Valancy Jane: [...]
Filed under: actual conversations, can't make this shit up, cody, the internet | 5 Comments
Swing, swing!
Twinnie – “I just don’t like fringe at all.”
Valancy Jane – *gasp*
*silence*
Valancy Jane – “We can never sleep together.”
Filed under: Twinnie, actual conversations, oooooolala | 2 Comments
… “and the fact that I just got a bedazzler shouldn’t make you nervous at all.”
My buddy RJ is leaving for Asia for the next four months or so, and needs someone to take care of the two things he has that I envy most, his dog Bella …
… and his apartment.
So I’m movin’ on [...]
Filed under: Bella-mine, FUCK YEAH, Life in Little Italy, RJ, Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!, buck up lil camper, homesweethome, life is kind to me | 17 Comments
Which makes the fourth pony related item to come in the mail this week. And there was a bedazzler. I’m forced to the conclusion that y’all are hot for me.
Filed under: FUCK YEAH, life is kind to me, ponies, shiny things | 9 Comments
Just imagine the cover.
Dave (Brady’s brother/roommate) – “I was watching The Today Show-”
Valancy Jane – “The Today Show? You are so gay.”
Dave – “Anyway. They were talking about this website were you could imput your name and the name of your boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever, and some details, and they would paste it into a trashy romance [...]
Filed under: actual conversations, aurora, oooooolala, oops | 4 Comments
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