Dearest Lou.

18May08

I’ve actually been thinking for years of what I’d tell you today, the day you get your high school diploma.

At times I felt I’d have a lot to say.  At other times I figured I’d just sum it up with “avoid jello shots” and then just shut up.  Second hand life lessons rarely fit another person that well, and really, you don’t really need me and my advice.  You’ll muddle through just fine.  Even if you have to learn about jello shots the hard way, I don’t worry about you.

But I’m going to presume on our relationship and tell you a few things anyway, stuff I hope you find useful.

Life is actually quite long.  So be nice.  You never know who’s going to re-enter your orbit.  And don’t mourn the loss of a friend or opportunity or a relationship too much, for the same reason.  Nothing is ever really over until one of you is dead.  Or until you start leaving the bathroom door open when you poo. 

A friend who lets you be too rough on yourself is in many ways worse than a friend who is too rough on you.

You have everything you need to get any guy you want.  You may think I’m flattering you, saying that because I’m biased, but know what?  What I just said is true of every girl.  The secret to beauty is knowing what you’ve got.  That’s it.  That’s all it is.  But remembering that fact is NOT simple.  It’s not the media’s fault, either.  It simply reinforces insecurities that exist within us naturally.  Constantly monitor your inner monologue.  And don’t use talking about your insecurities to bond with other women.  It works, but it doesn’t help either of you. 

There’s a lot of money out there, you can always get more if you find you need it.  The same is not true of time.  Spend money when it doesn’t matter, time when it does.

Apologizing is easy if you carefully articulate what you are, and aren’t sorry for. 

Constantly hold traditions up the light to see if they’re still working for you.

Rules are shortcuts to a decision.  This isn’t a good or bad thing.  Just make sure that your rules are personalized.  You are born with none, and your rules come from your own experience.  People love to give you their rules.  Humor the well intentioned ones, listen to the wise ones, but the vast majority you can ignore.

The only thing people love to sell you more than their set of rules is their set of fears.  Be less nice in your blow off of them.  There are very few healthy fears.

I don’t really advise getting drunk, but it’s worth noting that if you’re gonna do it, now’s the time.  Hangovers are so much worse when you get older.

And now really is the time to be reckless, to find your limits. 

No single mistake will ruin your life, so don’t live in fear of making one.  Lives are only ruined by a series of bad choices, or by being overcautious.

And I guess if I could tell you one thing, it would be - Don’t be afraid.

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