2008 February « Valancy Jane

Archive for February, 2008

That door has always had a tendency to stick.

29Feb08

Valancy Jane – *locks up a bit early* *about to leave*
Coworker R – *returns from a break* *tugs on the door*
Door – *rattles*
Coworker R – *gives a might tug*
Door - ”BOOM” *opens*
Valancy Jane – “Mary, mother of GOD, [Coworker R].”
Coworker R – “Sorry, that was loud.”
Valancy Jane – “No, that door was LOCKED.”

Filed under: actual conversations, i love my job | 7 Comments

I will pay more in taxes.

29Feb08

Please, hire someone to hose the blood off the freeway.

Filed under: commute | 2 Comments

Another important service that I offer.

29Feb08

That headline looks dirty in hindsight. *shrugs*
Anyway, it’s a busy world out there, and we don’t always have time for the things we want to do. Some of you are busy on Weds. nights, some of you have other shows to watch, and some of you have to maintain that pretense that you don’t want [...]

Filed under: TV | 5 Comments

Ask Miss VJ!

28Feb08

*walks into her bedroom suite in an English riding outfit, complete with riding crop and tousled hair*
*finds a letter on the foot of her bed*
Dear Miss VJ,
I come to you for help because I am desperate—desperate for a good night’s sleep.
You see, Miss VJ, I work long hours and must wake up terribly early to do so. [...]

Filed under: ask miss vj, oooooolala | 7 Comments

Might as well admit this now.

28Feb08

I heart Paul Simon.

Filed under: confessions, music | 8 Comments

Should I be wary ….

27Feb08

…. of a lawyer who offers me an appointment at ten PM on Friday night?

Filed under: can't be a good sign | 13 Comments

And by “complimentary subscription” they don’t mean flattering.

27Feb08

Um, thanks? I guess now I can check “tell my postman” off my list of things to do…..

Filed under: can't make this shit up | 27 Comments

It’s that time of year again.

26Feb08

That time when I brush my cats and get enough shed fur to make an extra cat.

Or a bride of Frankenstein wig.
Decisions, decisions.

Filed under: Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Like church, and jail.

26Feb08

Chemist – “Ok, hun, almost done, just a few more vials and we’ve got enough of your blood.”
Valancy Jane – “Sweet. I haven’t made $40 on my lunch hour this easily since back when I was a hooker.”
Chemist – *nearly sticks herself with the needle*
Bethany – “She’s kidding!”
Valancy Jane – “Oh, right, this is one [...]