Maybe I WILL leave it in the braids.

30Nov07

Valancy Jane – “So now I’m headed over to Sam’s to take all this out and poof it up.”
Coworker P – “Oh, you’re taking them out?”
Valancy Jane – “You thought I was going like this?”
Coworker P – “Well ……… it’s you.”
Valancy Jane – “Touche.  I withdrawn all indignation in my last sentence.”

Filed under: actual conversations, high fashion   |  Leave a Comment

So I made a silly hat.

30Nov07

 
And it’s covering all the little braids Sam put in my hair earlier today. 
And it reminds me of this.

I’m SO in the mood to dance now.

Filed under: dancing, music   |  5 Comments

I finally did get my package.

30Nov07

And in every other way it seems like Karma is SOOOOOOOOOOOO sucking up to me. 
And tonight is the company holiday party, with an 80’s cover band, at a beach club, and when you consider that most of my friends I know from work, that makes tonight like, the prom.
At the moment, Sam is crimping my [...]

Filed under: She Hulas, i love my job, life is kind to me   |  8 Comments

Sometimes it sucks to be a girl.

29Nov07

There I was, on the phone with UPS, so mad it actually hurt in my ears, and what do I do?
I CRY.
So not badass.

Filed under: crying   |  17 Comments

“Oh, I understand my options here, sir. It appears they are to take it in the ass or take it in the ear. I guess I was naively hoping there would be a third option.”

29Nov07

I’m locked in an epic battle with UPS.
There appears to be some confusion about exactly the nature of the service we paid for.  They seem to think that “Next Day Delivery” is a service package that includes up to and possibly more than five days of babysitting it, lying about it’s location, driving it around parts of [...]

Filed under: can't make this shit up, rant   |  8 Comments

“Free pie!”

29Nov07

Years ago, as kids, Jesse and I were at a carnival or fair of some sort, and we paused to watch a pie eating contest.  The announcer said that one contestant had dropped out and that they needed someone to compete right then.  Jesse’s hand shot up.
I have to admit I was a little surprised.  [...]

Filed under: Jesse, autobio, foooooooooood   |  3 Comments

It prevents heart disease?

28Nov07

The Retropolitan: Sometimes I wish alcohol were an occupation.
Then I’d be able to concentrate my attention on other things in my free time, like filing papers and dealing with customers.
Valancy Jane: Oh totally.
If I could live the rest of my life halfway into a bottle of red wine, that would be awesome.
The Retropolitan: THERE MUST [...]

Filed under: actual conversations, booze   |  2 Comments

I think …

28Nov07

… it’s a great name for a teddy bear.

Filed under: oops, religion or politics, the internet   |  8 Comments

So then I said in my best game show announcer voice….

28Nov07

…. “Oh please.  Bring down the next contestant ready to try their luck on Try To Offend me!”

Filed under: i love my job, quotes   |  8 Comments

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

28Nov07

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as [...]

Filed under: poems   |  2 Comments